Finding Your Anchor

When life throws us into chaos through major transitions, how do we find our way back to ourselves? That's the question at the heart of this deeply personal episode where I open up about my recent experiences navigating multiple upheavals - moving from Kentucky to San Antonio and then immediately jumping into a temporary duty assignment.

Through this whirlwind of change, I discovered something profound about stability: it's not about trying to recreate your old normal in new circumstances. It's about identifying the sacred habits that anchor your identity regardless of where you are or what's happening around you. For me, this meant stripping everything back to just three core practices: physical exercise for mental clarity, writing for creative nourishment, and reading as my escape hatch from stress.

The journey wasn't straightforward. It required intentional self-reflection, kindness toward myself, and consistently quieting that counterproductive inner voice that wanted me to give up. I share the uncomfortable truth of how it took a full week of feeling low before I could motivate myself to restart these habits, and how I had to be both gentle and firm with myself to maintain them. 

Whether you're in military life facing PCS moves, or navigating any major life transition, this episode offers practical wisdom for rebuilding your sense of self one sacred habit at a time. Stability isn't a fixed destination we reach once and for all - it's something we actively cultivate day by day, especially during seasons of change. What habits anchor you when everything else is in flux?

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Have a Cup of Johannie
• 1:17 Bouncing Back through Change and Turmoil
• 2:13 Intentional Regrouping and Core Habits
• 5:37 Reading as a Sacred Recharge
• 11:05 Maintaining Sacred Habits Through Transitions
• 17:49 Stability is Built One Habit at a Time

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome back to have a Cup of Johnny. This season isn't about hustling harder. It's about coming home to yourself, to your voice, to your breath, to the quiet truth that you're still here and you're not starting over. You're starting again. This is your space to reflect, reset and remember who we tell you. So pour your cafecito and let's begin.

Speaker 2: 0:37

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of have a Cup of Johannie. I am Joah, your host, and for today's episode we are continuing on this conversation that we started last Wednesday, and this is going a little bit more into how I'm bouncing back, how I've been able to find me again through change, through instability and through turmoil and I'm talking from experience from PCSing, changing duty stations and then going into a long TDY and so forth. But you don't have to be in the military to relate to this. I mean, you can be in a civilian lifestyle or any other lifestyles and still go through changes. And I talk about these kind of changes as like hardcore changes, because these are upheavals that completely change the way that you're running your life and that can be very chaotic. So I'm talking today about how I was able to get back into some sort of normal quote-unquote rhythm. Are you all ready for this? Of course you are, because why else would you have come over here to listen to me once again, by the way, thank you All right, let's go. So let me tell you all the truth.

Speaker 2: 2:13

Hmm, I had to regroup. I had to be intentional. Intentional about going back to the habits that anchor me, intentional about going back to the habits that anchor me, and when I say intentional, I mean like I had to talk to myself. I had to be kind to myself, be like, hey, joah, this is what we're doing, you know like, kind of, make a contract with myself and be like. I know you're feeling crappy right now. I know that you're feeling very chaotic, like nothing is working out, like you don't know you're left from your right. But let me tell you what works for us. And it's almost like I had to have that conversation in my own head about reminding myself what works for us, bringing proof of what works for us, going back into my bullet journal and looking at my habit tracker and being intentional and being like okay, what are my three no-shits? I have to do these every day so that way I can feel sane and I can feel like myself.

Speaker 2: 3:16

Because, like I said, transitions such as the ones that I did Manchester Wands that I did, but I did two, for that's why it was like so jarring for me it brings a lot of guilt, a lot of emotional whiplash and a lot of that start stop energy, of trying to get back to normal. And I had to realize, while being intentional with myself, that normal wasn't coming back right, because I was looking at normal as what I was doing in Kentucky under that schedule, under that lifestyle that worked there and worked with what I was doing there. But now I had jumped twice into two different things into my San Antonio assignment and then into the TDY mission, and neither one of those really was relatable to Kentucky. So I had to really center myself to be able to feel some sort of normalcy within the whiplash that was going around me of my environment and opening my journal. Right, mind you, I have been moving. So I haven't looked at this thing for, like I want to say, a while, a few weeks. I hadn't looked at it and it was. It was the one, what was it? The last one that I had in there was like from January. So I had, like the January was like not really all the way done because I started moving and trying to find a house that has really had fallen off the wayside. So I had a lot of squares that were marked in January and I was looking at it. Right, we already like in February.

Speaker 2: 5:07

At one point I was it was close to March actually when I finally cracked this bad boy open and I was like, let me look at it Now, I'm pretty, you know, I, I I got to a point where I was like I was sustaining myself, like really sustain, really sustaining myself. Like I was doing like five habits, like no joke, before 7am and I was like, yeah, this is me. Little did I know then that that was, like you know, at the epitome of my, you know, resiliency level, and here I was gonna go trawling through like crap, didn't know it then, but I was going through it at that moment and I was like, oh, shoot, okay. So I was doing that was my best. That was like close to my best back then. Here I am not on my best, so what does that look like? So that way I can continue to be sane even though it's super chaotic around me.

Speaker 2: 6:08

And, like I said, I looked at my habits and I was like I decided that gym is always a must, not just because of the job that I'm in, that I have to stay fit. Oh God, I have to stay fit. Being in the 40s doesn't make it any easier. Being in the 40s doesn't make it any easier. And so I have to do that, but not just a half, because I know for me, if it's just a half I'm not going to do it, I'm going to reject it and I'm going to fight against it every single way. So it's also because I want to, because I know that for me is something about being in motion lifting, pushing, pulling, you know, doing that kind of like hard stuff. It sends me out, it tires me to the point where I'm not overthinking things and where I am able to rest my brain and rest my body. So it really does help the gym, and I know that. That's something that I have meditated a lot about, reasoned with it and written down about it. So I know that. So when I say I had to be intentional, these were some of the discussions I had with myself. I know the gym is not only a must because of my job, but it's a must because of my sanity, because I know what it brings to the table for my life. So that is one of my core habits.

Speaker 2: 7:37

Yo, me being me, I know that reading and writing are also a must because writing nourishes me. I've said this before. I think I made a video on TikTok today where I said, like is it even work? Can I call this work. Can I call this my second job, me writing and publishing books, when it's such a joyful thing to do, when it doesn't really feel like I'm working, it kind of like it gives me a lot. You know, it's not like work where it's like depleting, it's like work where I'm getting something out of it. If that explains it well, I hope so, but that's how it feels. So, writing for sure, not just that, but I also have the Ordinary Bruja coming out. So I knew that, with the many movements I was doing and with the publishing timeline that I have, I didn't want to keep postponing that. So, even if it was a sentence or two every day that I was going to extrapolate and creatively write in the mornings or at night, you know that's what I was going to do.

Speaker 2: 8:49

And then, lastly, my last core habit is reading. Reading because this this right here. And let me tell you something it is nothing like being around military folks where, like you're one of a few that actually reads or enjoys books, and reading because it's, it's so, uh, I feel like an alien every single time. I'm like the one person that's like where's the library? Where can I go to the library? Where's the library around here? How can I register? How can I get a library card? Can I get a temporary library card? What can I do? You know, and I am that person, you know, wherever I go, that's one of the first stops I have to make because it, like it balances me out. It sends me to know that there's a reservoir, there's a place where I can find books and I can borrow these books, you know, in places that I've never been, or that I have to be there temporarily so I can recharge myself, kind of like relax and recharge, and that's what I get from reading.

Speaker 2: 9:58

It's kind of like this time out, this sacred time for me, where I get to step out of my life and step into a book, into a story, and that story is either truly relatable or is funny, or is like super unrelatable, where I'm learning about something new, you know. So it's a story that connects me to something and that's why I think it just it relaxes me, it takes me out of my own worries because I am no longer connected to those worries While I'm in this book. I am connected to something completely different than my life, right, and that's what I get out of it and depending on the mood, obviously, I'll read different things. If I'm in a spooky mood, it's going to be a horror or something like that supernatural. If I'm feeling a little romantical, it's going to be something romantic. If I'm feeling super stressed out, I'm going to go to my rom-coms, because that's my go-to. You know, when I'm stressed and I just want to take my brain off for a second and then just read something that is lighthearted and funny and I know it's going to end on a positive note, where there's no tragedy involved, I will read a rom-com. So you see what I'm saying.

Speaker 2: 11:22

So those I found through this very intentional introspection were my three core habits that I just had to like, grip, grip, like hardcore grip at them during this time. And now, mind you, it took me a whole week to get there and I remember, because I kind of I tallied it up on my journal I'm like man, it's been a whole week. I'm feeling very low-key, upset, kind of like. I know if I would have gone on to two weeks I would have felt sad, you know, and my mood would have just gone down from there. So I knew after a week I had to do something.

Speaker 2: 12:02

And I remember telling one of my roommates. I was like, if I don't go to the gym, please go to the gym with me, because I need that motivation. And it was like you. You need the motivation because a lot of people think, like because my rank, like I have it all figured out. No, I don't. No, I don't. I absolutely don't have it figured out. I need motivation, just like everyone else. I do need it, you know, but long and behold me saying that and me having this humanistic ego and pride. It just took that for me to be like you know what I can help myself with this. I don't have to put it on their shoulders, you know, as a reminder for them to give to me. You know I can give this to myself. And after I told him that, I remember the next day I was like I put on my shoes right away.

Speaker 2: 12:58

I didn't even lounge too long in the room. I was like I'm putting on my shoes, I'm putting on my gym clothes and I'm off. And then I started doing that and after the third day I was like, ah, you know, that's when your body kind of like realizes that oh shoot, you're doing something different. I don't like it. Let's go back to what we know, which is lounging in the room and not doing anything right. So on that third day I had to like be intentional again and be a little bit more forceful with myself Still, kind right, because I'm not bullying myself, I no longer do that but I had to be forceful. I had to be like, hey, remember where you was at three days ago and you didn't like it, and then you made this change and this change is for the better. Let's stick to this change. You know, let's see this through.

Speaker 2: 13:48

And once I saw it through for a week, then the second week became easier and then the third week became even easier, and then I got to a point. And then I got to a point and you may relate to this if you have been doing like habit tracking and things of that nature, then you know, like by the third or the, I know that once I get to that feeling that I'm in kind of like a safe zone per se and I just need to maintain it and then up the ante, then I'm safe enough to either add more time at the gym or add more writing time or more reading time or go to a harder level at the gym, you know things of that nature. And now I can up the ante, right, because now my body loves it, my body is used to it, and so forth. But I mean, that's it. You know that, that's all that. I did. Not five habits, not 10, not a whole, like a whole day's worth of routine, just three, three sacred habits that I was like I need this, I need this to feel sane, to feel happy, to feel whole, even when everything else had changed around me.

Speaker 2: 15:19

Something else that I noticed too, and I wanted to share that with you all, is that my core habits change as well. If you go back to any one of my episodes, I discuss my core habits in another one, and some of these are part of the core habits in there, but not all of them. I had to let go of some because of time, because of resources, and I just had to keep those that help me, but also those that I am able to do where I am at, those that I am able to do where I am at. You see what I'm saying. So it was some cutting in there that I had to do, and that it's okay, and what I'm trying to say with this it's like, don't feel weird, don't feel like like a loser, like you're wrong or anything like that.

Speaker 2: 16:18

Right, if your core habits change or what you can do when you go through life changes is different from before, don't do that, don't feel less than because of that that comes with change. That's what I've realized that the gist of it is that I am maintaining something that brings me joy, a habit, a process, a thing that I do that brings me joy and brings sanity into my day. That's all that I'm doing here, whether that's one thing, whether that's two things, whether that's three things, that it is what it is, but it is something that I can achieve, right, and that adds to my life as opposed to takes away from my life, and that certainly it doesn't bring me stress. You see what I'm saying, and I'm not saying that the stress of me being whiny and not wanting to do things, that's not stress. That's not stress. That's just me being whiny. So I'm talking about like I'm not like jumping through 10 bridges to do something that is so far out of my reach. You know that's what I'm talking about when I say stress.

Speaker 2: 17:45

Okay, but think about that. I want you all to think about, like, what I went through and how I was able to kind of like extrapolate these habits and kind of like tether them to me once again after being apart from them for so long. So what I did here was be very intentional with what I was doing internally, coming up with a plan. But I think the most important thing was just constantly or continuously talking to myself and not allowing the inner counterproductive voice to get a leg up on my psyche. And I think that's the most important thing when one is trying to inhabit a new self or do something different with their lives is just tackling that inner counterproductive voice, because I think that's what gets most of us I know that's what got me for the most part is that I allowed that counterproductive voice to drown my own voice, and I'm making differentiation here and saying my voice is the one that wants to do the right thing by me and for me.

Speaker 2: 19:12

I'm not the one that wants to do things that are counterproductive to my goals and what I want to do with my life. You see what I'm saying. So it's good to be able to listen to the voice, differentiate between the two and be able to fight back with your own kind of productive script that you do, and with logic, with reasoning, with proof and all of that, so that way you can prove to that voice that you do, and with logic, with reasoning, with proof and all of that, so that way you can prove to that voice that you do deserve better. You are worthy of better things in your life and you will do those better things by applying yourself and either getting up 10 minutes earlier or doing 10 minutes at the gym or doing 10 crunches or whatever it is right. But I think that's where it starts and that's what I was able to validate going through this is that I tackled that voice and that's when I was able to get out of that slump per se and get back into these core habits.

Speaker 2: 20:24

And, to be brutally honest with you, I mean I'm still going through the thick of it right now. I'm still in flux, I'm still trying to find my rhythm in this new place, having just gotten back not too long ago I want to say like a week and a half ago and trying to maintain these three things. It's like that is my goal, before I add to anything, you know, because even these three things, now that I'm back in San Antonio, it's challenging now because now I'm in a new environment, now I'm with my family, so I need to, like, make a way for these three things in this environment. Now, you see, and then once I stabilize them in this environment, then I am able to add if I want to, or if I need to, or just maintain it.

Speaker 2: 21:15

You see what I'm saying, but everything is in flux per se, until it's not until things are stable. But then, as life goes right, life moves, life changes, and so do we. You see, stability isn't a fixed destination, it's just something that we build constantly, one sacred habit at a time. That's what I found out. Let me know if you relate to any of this. Thank you so much for listening to me once again and the have a Cup of Johnny podcast, and I can't wait to see you next Wednesday. Stay tuned, bye.

Speaker 1: 22:01

If today's episode spoke to you, share with somebody who's finding their way back too, and if you haven't yet, visit haveacupofjoanniecom for more stories, blog posts and the bits that started it all. Thank you for being here. Until next time, be soft, be bold and always have a cup of John.