Embracing Imperfection: Overcoming Perfectionism for Growth and Joy

Could the relentless pursuit of perfection be holding you back from reaching your true potential? Join me, Joa, as I share my journey of overcoming perfectionism, which once masqueraded as ambition but left me feeling stuck and weighed down by self-doubt. Through personal stories of my own procrastination battles, you'll hear how perfectionism impacted my writing and career, and we'll explore how letting go of this sneaky impediment can foster growth, creativity, and joy. This episode is your invitation to embrace imperfection and discover the freedom that comes with prioritizing progress over flawlessness.

In a world that often equates perfection with success, let's challenge this notion and aim for just a 10% improvement each day. I reveal how therapy and journaling helped me tackle my own perfectionist tendencies, which were deeply rooted in a fear of failure. By sharing insights from my experiences in nursing and writing, I'll encourage you to reframe your mindset, question those nagging perfectionist thoughts, and move forward with authenticity. Tune in to "Have a Cup of Johanny" as we learn to welcome mistakes as opportunities for growth and transformation, reminding ourselves that a fresh start is always within reach.

Enter a world of fear, resilience, and generational trauma in "The Devil That Haunts Me". Follow Isabella and Julitza as they confront their demons in a tale of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural.

Explore the first seven chapters here

Chapters

• 0:00 Letting Go of Perfectionism
• 10:31 Overcoming Perfectionism

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a cup of johanni podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hola vasitos, and welcome to another have a Cup of Joani episode. I am your host, joa, here to give you another cup in the realm of letting go, because I want us to prep for this new year, while we don't have to wait for a new year to make changes. I feel that it helps the symbolism. It helps new year, new us, or a fresher version of us, or a better version of us. I have a blog post where I completely crap on the new year, new me thing. Oh, my younger self I was. So, yes, yes. Nevertheless, this theme is to get us ready for that fresh start, with the caveat that we don't have to wait for a new year to have a fresh start. We can have a fresh start anytime we want, in the spirit of letting go. We are talking about the letting go of perfection. Are you all ready? Of course you are, why else would you be here?

Speaker 1: 1:46

Perfectionism is one of those sneaky things that can masquerade as ambition or high standards, but in reality it often leaves us stuck and exhausted and sometimes feeling like we're not enough. As I like to say, I am a recovering procrastinator. That was hard to say and I noticed when I was journaling and trying to identify triggers and what was holding me back, and that was at the beginning of my self-development phase. I noticed that perfectionism was one of those things, one of those fears that held me back and I thought it was a badge of honor, right, like I mean, who wouldn't want to do things perfectly? Who wouldn't want to do like this perfection, trophy, meriting thing? But over time I realized that perfectionism wasn't really helping me. It was either slowing me down or completely holding me back, and that's what it does. That's what perfectionism does. It keeps us stuck in this constant cycle of self-doubt Because we start thinking I know I did. If it's not perfect, why even start it? Or if it's not perfect, I failed. If I can't guarantee perfection, I shouldn't even try.

Speaker 1: 3:20

You see how these beliefs are completely counterproductive, like they weren't getting me anywhere. If anything, they were paralyzing me and instead of taking risks or celebrating progress 10% better every day, I was focusing on tiny imperfections and the things that didn't go as planned. And, let's be honest, there's like a saying that goes like have a plan and watch God laugh, or something like that. And that saying is there because life rarely goes as planned and for me, perfectionism showed up in so many aspects of my life definitely on the writing side of my life and on my army career as well and I found myself, when it comes to the writing, just rewriting it, rewriting it, rewriting it over and over and over and over. And here's the thing like you want to do a lot of rewrites over. And here's the thing like you want to do a lot of rewrites, you want to edit your projects because you do want to give the public, once you publish it, the best version that you can do at that time.

Speaker 1: 4:34

But I was going months and months, people, and it was too much and I remember my intuition was like nagging at me and I started questioning why am I still on this chapter? Why can't I let it go? And I started Googling like what is too much editing? I think I read somewhere that it's like if you change something and then you go through another round and you change it back to what it had and then you go through another round and you change it back to what it had, you may have done too much. And then I was like, oh shoot. I was like, oh shoot. Yes, I've done that several times in this chapter and I had to sit with that and I had to understand that I was doing that out of fear, not necessarily because the story needed it or that paragraph or that chapter needed it.

Speaker 1: 5:40

I was doing that out of fear because I was so scared of what would people say if they find anything wrong with it. They're going to trash me out there, they're going to give me horrible reviews and all of that on my books and things of that nature. And that kept revolving in my mind. But it kept revolving for so long that eventually it kind of like just became background noise. But when it comes to negative self-talk, background noise is just as powerful as loud noise because it's still there. It's very insidious per se. It just it erodes a hole in you to where it becomes part of you, if you let it, if that makes sense. So I had to sit with that and I had to understand that I wasn't making progress and the focus was on every word being perfect, because I fear the outcome if it wasn't, can you relate to that? And if you do relate, you're not alone and you don't have to carry this mindset into the new year. But let's go into why letting go of this mindset matters, because it's just way deeper than finishing projects or checking off that box of your to-do list or checking off that box of your goals. It's more about freeing yourself from that constrictive mindset, because when you let go of perfectionism now, you are making space for creativity, for growth and for joy, because we are allowing ourselves to try to make mistakes and learn from it.

Speaker 1: 7:31

I want to say something, because I saw Salma Hayek say something, this short snippet of her saying something. When it comes to mistakes, she was like own it. If they say you did this and this and that and they're trying to like put that mistake on your face, like shove it, you know, down your throat, you say yes, and, and she said it like so formidable, like, so, like I don't give a bleep, bleep, you know. And I was like oh my God, yes. And like. When she said that, I was like, yes, yes, I did that and I learned from it. Hell, I have a whole podcast about it. I love that I got to see that video and I love that it reinforced that which I'm doing right now and it also gave me strength to continue doing it.

Speaker 1: 8:29

Because, yes, I mean, I think a lot of this fear perfectionism is because we're fearful of embarrassment, of judgment, of people not loving us or not liking us or not putting us in this certain light when they find out that we're not so perfect or what we do is not so perfect. You see, and I think it goes hand in hand sometimes Fear of perfectionism, fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection and fear of judgment, and I think all of those are kind of like in a group together and they all affect and go along with procrastination, with what is keeping us from finishing things, because perfectionism tell us that mistakes are failures and then we accept that as truth. But the truth is, like Salma Hayek said, mistakes are just a stepping stone. Mistakes are proof that you're growing. Because you try something, you found out it didn't work a certain way and you have grown from that. So I wish we will start looking at mistakes not as failures, but as a sign of growth and as a sign of trying, and I think when we start encouraging people for trying and encouraging people for their efforts, I think, eventually this mindset will come off of the shoulders of society, because it's so pervasive to think that it is so pervasive, and I didn't realize how much that had become part of me until I noticed that I was feeling that way Once I started, like excavating all my emotions and the things that were putting me on the path to procrastination over and over.

Speaker 1: 10:31

But here's a thought that I want you to hold on to as we go through this episode, and that is that we should strive for progress over perfection 10% better each day. I know you've heard that before. Right, progress over perfection, just small progress every day, because every step forward, no matter how small or imperfect, it's worth celebrating, so keep that in mind. So now, if you're nodding right along with me and we're here in the same boat with our cafecito in hand and you're like, okay, I'm ready to let this go, but how do I actually do it? Let me tell you some of the things that have worked for me. Keep in mind, though, that every individual is different. Every situation is different.

Speaker 1: 11:29

I love this podcast because I share with you all some of the things that I've tried, failed and learned from. You see that. I told you to remember that, but again, right, I'm not you, you're not me, but I may give you some sort of inspiration or some sort of insight into how you can do it for yourself, if you have the means and all of that, okay, or you can do it within the constraints of your limits and your means and your resources, all right. So the first thing, the first thing and you kind of heard me talk about this is that I had to admit that I had perfectionistic tendencies, and, remember, I told you, I got really curious when I noticed that I had a lot of unfinished projects, a lot of unfinished things. I am a person with diverse interests. I have done so many things, so many things Nursing. I was a sixth grade catechism teacher at one point. I just it's like I try my hand at nursing hands-on practice and all of that. Finally, I just I kept going back to my first love, which is writing, and eventually, everything just led me back to that, and that's where I am right now, where I write fictional stories and I have this podcast. That also fills my love bucket because I'm able to share things with other people, and I found out through introspection that that helps me to feel as if I have a purpose. So saying that that's a long way around of saying that.

Speaker 1: 13:14

I had to observe myself to understand that I was a procrastinator and the thing that was keeping me from finishing projects were my tendencies to be a perfectionist. So with anything that you want to solve, you have to first identify the problem. That's how I identified my problem. I had to kind of like backtrack my step. It's like crumbs in a mystery series, right, that are in every episode and finally, in episode five, you're like ah, I know how those crumbs got there. And I knew that my procrastination was because I wanted things to be perfect. And then I had to ask myself why again. Well, I wanted things to be perfect because I'm afraid of embarrassment and I have a fear of failure and I have a fear of rejection. See, so all those things were tied together, making me a perfectionist. So that way people won't judge me, people will like me and love me and people will leave me. You see, but I had to uncover all of that through therapy, journaling and all of that, you see, and it's going to get a little dicey sometimes, it may get a little messy, and I have a big smile on my face as I'm saying this, and I have no shame or qualms about sharing this just because I'm okay with it, you see, like I'm not ashamed of that, and that's where I wish more people will be at once. They uncover their truths and what's hiding in the shadows and be like what Salma Hayek says yes, I am like that and yes, I did that and embrace it, own it.

Speaker 1: 15:12

Another way that you can go about is by asking yourself questions. One of the questions that you can ask is where am I holding myself to an impossible standard? Is it in your cooking? Are you like me? Is it in your writing? Is it in your cooking? Are you like me? Is it in your writing? Is it in your mothering and your parenting? Is it in your job, job? Is it in your side hustle? Is it in your relationships? And then you go from there. When I first started, I asked myself questions and from that question I answered it, and after that I will ask myself but why? And then I'll answer that on a piece of paper and then I will ask again why? And then I'll answer that Because I learned this in a blog post, a psychology blog post, that I was reading way back, when it told me that it was like, if you want to find out the gist of something, it told me that it was like, if you want to find out the gist of something, keep asking yourself why, and when you feel your emotions rise up into a bigger emotion, where you're crying, you're shaking, you're having this immense feeling, that's when you have found your truth and that's how I found out everything that I just told you, and I was able to identify that I have perfectionistic tendencies.

Speaker 1: 16:32

Okay, so once you figure that out, then you got to reframe your mindset. Yes, this is an ongoing thing. I got to say I hope people that that listen to this don't think like you just got to do these steps once and then you're done. This is a constant people Look constantly. I am reframing my mind constantly, every day, 10 times a day, constantly, constantly, whenever I edit this podcast, you know, cause I want to make it like as tight, as perfect as possible, you know. But then I'm like well, johnny, I mean, are we just not going to publish any episodes because they're not perfect enough? You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 19:32

So I have to reframe my mindset. I have to. I have to reframe my mindset, I have to combat that. I have to argue myself down and remind myself that it is progress over perfection, that it is better to be done than to not be done at all, and that is something that someone who is a perfectionist needs to know. So when you reframe your mindset, my perfectionistic basitos out there tell yourself progress is better than perfection. Or you can say this is what I tell myself you're better off doing it than not doing it. I remind myself that because at least when I do it, it's done. I got it done, I published it, I post it, you know, whatever, whatever, but I did it. And now if I find mistakes, then that is something that I write down so that way I can mitigate on the next one, and I use that as a learning tool. Then the next thing that I did was set realistic expectations, and you have heard me talk about this.

Speaker 1: 20:46

I get overwhelmed with big goals that have a lot of subtasks I really do, but when I challenge myself with things that are achievable and I break them into smaller, manageable steps and I celebrate my small wins, then that perfectionistic tendency tends to be less, tends to be less. You see, and it may be because when I get overwhelmed it's more stress, and I think I read somewhere that when somebody is stressed they just go back to their old patterns. It's like going back to factory setting or something like that, to where you started. So some of your new habits that you have implemented in order to combat your old counterproductive habits resurface during stress. So if you can take away the stress by managing your big goals into smaller, manageable steps, then you'll be able to mitigate this from happening and once again focus on the effort that you're putting in, not the outcome.

Speaker 1: 21:57

Okay, and then the next thing I do and you heard me say this is embrace mistakes as part of growth. You heard me say that, like, one of my pet talks is like, hey, you're better off doing it than not doing it. And once I do it and then I find mistakes in it, then I use that as a way to learn from it. I write it down. I know, when it comes to marketing, I'm still very frustrated about the whole thing, because to me that's such a hard thing to do, a hard thing to do. And so for me, I do a lot of trial and error and experimentation when it comes to marketing. I edit things, I publish things when it comes to marketing for my books and the podcast and all of that. But I don't hold on to things as long anymore. I publish it, put a little budget into it and then I assess it Experimentation kind of thing. Then I'm like, okay, so I did this for this post, put in like $5 on that marketing budget for that post, and this is what I got, kind of like look into the writing, the tone of the post, my focus, audience on the post. I look at that because all those factors go into play and I write all that data and then I try again and then I compare. You see, so now I'm looking at things as a tool to experiment in order to learn, in order to get better, and that makes me happy and not frustrated.

Speaker 1: 23:36

You see, the next thing I do is that I am kind to myself. You know I don't beat myself up anymore. I used to before and if you hear one of my previous or old, I think there were last year episodes on this podcast. I told you like I started trying to do self-development by being like a big bully to myself and then I realized like that shit don't work. I was demoralizing my own self. I'm like no, and I think once again I read, or somebody told me this like if you wouldn't talk like that to your child or friend or somebody who you feel compassion towards or a lot of empathy towards, why are you talking like that to yourself inside your head? And when I heard that I was like oh shit, yeah, why am I talking like that to myself? That's so horrible, you know. So practice self-compassion. That's a big one. That's a big step that will keep you going and getting better and lessen the perfectionistic tendencies.

Speaker 1: 24:52

Okay, the next one would be letting go of the need of external validation. You know I mean this is. This is a big one because and you heard me how like sometimes the people closest to you, right, they kind of like crap on your, on your goals and your achievements and stuff like that. So I had to learn that, hey, those people may love and care about you, but sometimes they're just not equipped to validate you or to feed your ego. So you got to go find somebody else or choose yourself. Choose yourself, practice focusing on what feels right for you and if that brings you joy, look at yourself in the mirror and say fucking good job, joanne. You know what I'm saying. Use your own name, please.

Speaker 1: 25:43

But you know, rather than just wait for somebody to validate you or get really sad because somebody kind of crapped on your achievement. So, instead of allowing that to happen, I will say be your own cheerleader and don't have that need for external validation. Take away that. And if it happens, that's just icing. What did I say? Icing on the cake, right? Great, it happened. But you didn't need that to keep moving forward, because I don't care what people say. You need encouragement to keep going forward, especially in projects that are so long and goals that are long-term goals. You need encouragement and sometimes you're going to find yourself in a place in life where you are your own encouragement. I want y'all to get good at that. Okay, take it from me. I want y'all to get good at that. Lastly is take action before you're ready. I will say it again Take action before you're ready.

Speaker 1: 26:52

Uh, when I was young, young, young, young, teen twenties, I swear like oh goodness, so many years wasted because I was waiting for the perfect time to to be happy, to be joyful. I just kept saying, oh well, when I leave for college, oh, when I do this, when I get promoted to this, oh, when you know? And I just kept pushing the timeline time and time and time again, as opposed to just like being happy. Then, If the goal was for me to be happy, I pushed that goal every single time until it was no time for me to be happy. You see, like that's what perfectionism does to us. It leaves us in that planning mode. So I had to challenge myself to take action. No, I'm going to be happy today. No, I'm going to do something to make myself happy. Go get a pedicure, manicure, go get a facial, whatever, whatever I can do with the resources that I have.

Speaker 1: 28:05

In that moment, when I got mature enough and understood that that I was just pawning off happiness for this perfect moment, I was like, oh, my God, I'm going to be so bitter by the time I turn 40. I was like, what's going on, you see? So if you're on the younger scale, please don't do that, don't do that, don't do that, Don't wait to be happy. Such a waste of time. Do it now. Take me with you as you go, get happy, we'll go together, or you can pause it and go. That's more important, all right, did you do it already? Okay, I'm watching. All right, but the beauty of imperfection is that that's life. Imperfection is where life happens. It's where we grow, where we connect, where we create. Creativity stems from imperfection. When we let go of the need to be perfect, we open ourselves to the joy of simply being Just being.

Speaker 1: 29:36

So, asitos, as we step into the new year, I encourage you to reflect on where perfectionism might be holding you back. I want you to look into that, okay. What would it look like to release that and embrace progress instead? Think about that one, and thank you so much for joining me on this episode of the have a Cup of Joannie podcast. If this resonated with you, share it with a friend who might need a little reminder that they are more than enough. And don't forget to subscribe for more episodes to help you start the new year lighter and freer. Until next time, take care of yourself, celebrate your progress and remember you're already super amazing, just as you are. Okay, bye. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.