Embracing Trust: Letting Go of Control for Better Teamwork

Can you imagine a world where letting go of control opens the door to more successful teamwork? Many of us cling to control as a shield against uncertainty. Yet, in this episode of "Have a Cup of Johanny," we venture into the transformative power of trust and collaboration. As a self-proclaimed control enthusiast, I share my journey of learning to balance my desire for control with the needs of a team. Through candid personal stories, I discuss the strategies I've started to embrace, like reframing my mindset and enhancing communication to foster a more cohesive and effective team environment.

Discover how acknowledging tendencies towards micromanagement can lead to stronger, more reliable teams. Setting clear expectations and implementing timely check-ins can ease anxiety and make room for personal and collective growth. Listen in as I discuss the importance of celebrating team achievements, which not only builds unity but also empowers us for future projects. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of the challenge—yet necessity—of relinquishing control to achieve shared goals, a principle that resonates in countless teamwork scenarios.

Chapters

• 0:00 Letting Go of Control in Teamwork
• 10:29 Cultivating Trust and Letting Go

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Chahani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth, and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hola vasitos, welcome to the second episode of December. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Welcome back to the have a Couple Joani podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:41

I am Joa, and today we are diving into a topic that might hit close to home for my fellow control enthusiasts like me, and that is letting go of control, especially in teamwork and community settings. Now, I'll admit that I thrive when I'm in control. It brings me certainty and order and, honestly, it brings me comfort because at least I know that I have a handle on things, and, like I've told my husband several times, is that if I'm going to fail or I'm going to get in trouble for something, I'd rather do it by my own hands, and that has always brought me a certain level of comfort in knowing that I know where I was heading and I know how I was doing that and I can answer questions about what was going on just because I was the one doing it, but, but, but, but that's not always the best thing to do, particularly when you're part of a team. So it's something that I've learned through working in group environments is that achieving a collective mission requires trust and, yes, collaboration, which means relinquishing of control. And, let's be real, though, that's not easy Certainly not for me. Perhaps some of you out there this will be an easy thing and this may not be a problem to you, but I know for me it really is, because it takes me trusting others to handle their part and believing they'll get it done to the standard that we agreed upon, and that is incredibly hard for me and anxiety ridden. But then again, right when we're part of a team, working together and collaborating, that is so necessary.

Speaker 1: 2:41

So today, that's what we're going to talk about, vasitos. We're going to see what are some things that I learned, and I got a caveat that I still I'm not not even good at this. You know, and this is I'm talking about it, because the more that I talk about it and research it and organize my thoughts on it, it helps me to learn it a little bit more, because through sharing this information with you, I'm getting more comfortable with it. So this is something that I'm learning too. So it's not like some of the other subjects, when I have overcome certain things or I'm close to overcoming this. I'm a very beginner at it, so I just want to caveat with that.

Speaker 1: 3:20

But today we're going to talk about how I reframe my mindset to help me let go of that control, and I'll tell you some of the step-by-steps that I have done to make me lessen that anxiety that comes in when I am trying to, or I'm, letting go of control. Are you ready? Of course you are. I mean, why else would you be here? Let's go All right. So if you're struggling, like me, to let go of control in group settings, here it is. These are some of the things that I've done. It is not foolproof, so you will need to tailor it to your situation, to your environment and to the people in your team, because all of those factors play a role in how you do these steps, or if you even do these steps.

Speaker 1: 4:20

So, step one what I usually like to do is I like to be very clear and direct, and this often just like doesn't go well, because some people get really how can I say they're very sensitive when it comes to directness and I don't know why I keep coming across people like that that are very sensitive when it comes to directness. They view directness as rudeness and to me that is just so weird sometimes because it's like you see how I'm talking, like I'm a little loud. Well, you won't know that, because I even out the voice when I edit the podcast. But I'm fairly loud, I don't whisper, I don't mumble, I'm very direct and to the point. And if I feel like I need to address someone or something, I address it with not too much qualms about it or with too many flowery language to lessen what I'm trying to say. But I like to start that way, because what has happened before is that I go and check out to see either the progress of the mission or the goal, or the completion of it, if it was done to standard, the completion of it, if it was done to standard, and then I have gotten quite a lot of I didn't know or I didn't hear that, or things of that nature.

Speaker 1: 5:38

So at the beginning, when I'm giving somebody something, I either have a product, a tangible piece of something to show them like what I'm looking for, and I leave the how to them. But I got to tell them what I'm looking for. What do I want at the end of this, what is the goal? And I need to get that out because once again, my experience, I have gotten the I didn't know, or that's not what I was tracking, or that's not what I heard. So not only do I state what is needed of that project, but I also ask for verification. Sometimes I say what did you hear me say, or do you understand that? And if they just nod and say, yes, I was like, well, let me know, tell me, what did you understand? How do you see this project? And then we get into a conversation like that and then from there I can assess whether they're getting it, they got it or if they need more information, because also, a lot of the time, once again, some people with the directness and then the loudness, they get intimidated as well and they may feel a little overwhelmed. So I got to pay attention to those things as well and even more the reason why I need to check to make sure that they understand it, because everyone needs to understand the responsibility, the outcome that I'm looking for, as well as the timeline of it. That is very important. I have found out that if I don't give a timeline on things, then the timeline is left for interpretation and more often than not, that means that it will be as long as that person wants it to be. So that's another note there, something that is good to use.

Speaker 1: 7:25

I'm a big advocate of shared folders, shared documents or something to track, so that way you know, like, especially if we're working, like, on a, on a writing project or something like that. A shared document is so good, especially when it comes to editing, because you can see, you know, what has been done. You can do it in faces and you can define it. Everybody gets a different emoji or different color, so it shows, like, what each teammate has done, and you can even do a task management tool as well, so that way you can track the progress of the project without encumbering the team too much.

Speaker 1: 8:02

The next thing that I have learned to do is to focus on the big picture is to focus on the big picture, and sometimes for me it's like I ask myself if I get into the weeds on this, is it worth it, you know, is it worth my time, is it worth my energy to get that deep into the detail of this project? Or would it be better for that person to self-discover and to get some learning, some self-learning, from the project and from doing the project? And I ask myself that quite often and a lot of the times I just let it go, believe it or not. I let it go because I find out that no, it's not, it's not worth it. It's better and this may sound horrible, but sometimes it's better for me to get like 70 or an 80% or even sometimes, depending on how important that thing is, maybe a 60%, what would I say, like a 60% grade on a project, than to go into the weeds and go back and forth with this person, potentially demoralizing them, or because people, they learn the way that they want to learn, they see things the way that they want to see things, and it's just like it's two different worlds trying to combine to focus on one project. And I have to always remember that that my way is not necessarily the right way or the only way of accomplishing things. And, yeah, that person may give me like a 60% grade on that project, but maybe that's their starting line. Maybe the next time that I give them that same project, then they'll give me a 70% and an 80%, and then I can trust them with more riskier projects, because right now I know that they have done all these other ones and they have progressed through those projects, you see. So that's what I mean when I say focus on the big picture. That's some of the things that I do. I really do ask myself is it worth it for me and for them? I really do ask myself is it worth it for me and for them, you know, to get into the weeds of it, and more often than not it's not. It's not. If I do, it needs to be like a high visibility project, but then more often than not, if it is a high visibility project, I'm putting the A team in, so I wouldn't need to be in that level of detail either when it comes to that.

Speaker 1: 10:29

Next thing is to practice trust and delegation, and it goes back to those questions that I asked myself is it worth it? Is it worth it Me derailing their time and their self-discovery just to appease my nervousness of how this project is coming along or how this project is being completed. Now that doesn't mean that I'm not checking. I'm just saying I'm not overchecking and I'm not going to be over their shoulder either, because I used to hate it when people do that to me. I will think like I'm a micromanager in a sense that I ask a lot of questions and I think some people find that to be like micromanaging. But that's just because I just want to know where that person's headspace is and what they're thinking, because then it'll give me an idea of how they're approaching that project and how they're working on that project. But I'm not a micromanager in the sense that I'm constantly looking over somebody's shoulder If I feel that that person is not going to get it done and we're short on time and I'll give them another shot some other time.

Speaker 1: 11:32

But practicing trust and delegation so important Once again it's hard to do, because you just got to trust them that they're going to do it. You got to trust them that when they say, yes, I got this and I have this and this and that, that you're like, okay, good, then you let it go and then you fall back, that right there where I falter a lot of the times, that right there, because I'm like going on to the next step and reframing negative thoughts, that little nagging voice in there because of all the times that I've been burned before it. Just it gets really loud and it's like yeah, nah, they're gonna mess this up. You know, yeah, they're gonna. They're just gonna leave me out to dry. You know, the thing is gonna get inspected and it's gonna be like a crap. Show out there, you know, and all this other stuff. So that's where I falter, because once that trust is not fully there, the know and all this other stuff so that's where I falter, because once that trust is not fully there, the negative thoughts take over. So that's why I say it's important to trust and delegate and reframe negative thoughts.

Speaker 1: 12:41

And I think for me to alleviate my anxiety is to have more checks and then give the expectations clearly up front, to have those checks already set and to have those checks be way before the actual deadline. That's what works for me, short to what I would accept. Then I have a buffer of time there to either teach that person and have that person redo it, or, if it's to a point where I don't feel that that person can learn that fast to overcome and finish the project, then I can bring somebody else in, you know, to do it. And then the last, the last resort will be like, well, I just roll up my sleeves and do it, but there's usually always somebody, somebody available, an expert, somebody that is really good at that specific task to do it. And then the next step will be to focus on what you can control. And that is easier said than done, vasitos. That is easier said than done Because you can't really control other people's actions, you can't control other people's perceptions, you can't control other people's lives.

Speaker 1: 14:05

What they might have going on, that is taking their focus away. So many things are out of your control. And I think when I put that into perspective and I just give them grace and give myself grace, then the turmoil that I feel inside as I try to let go of control to finish projects just eases quite a lot. And I just kind of focus on, like, what am I doing to support them, you know, without doing it for them? So when I focus on that, am I being supportive? And if that means like just having somebody stay behind, so that way I can teach them a little something if I see that they're not really grasping a part of the project right, or if that means showing somebody really quick and then watching them do it, just to make sure that they got it you know things of that nature then that is what I can control. Or if I see somebody that is just not getting it or just has too many things going on to where I know that their mind is not in there, I can control pulling them back and replacing them. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 15:14

So I just think sometimes I get too caught up on the project. It's just gonna suck and it's gonna fail, and I let that run its course in my mind and not try to appease it, to bring it down, bring that energy down, and just try to observe what I can control out of the situation before going to like the ultimate you know, pushing people away and doing it myself and just seeing all the other things that are within my control are within my purview for me to do and execute. And I will say, lastly, celebrate the wins together. You know, celebrate when it's done, say good job, you know. Or have a pizza party or acknowledge their individual efforts in front of the team and how they accomplish this big task together, because then it reinforces kind of like we're a team, we do great things together and we can trust one another for future projects.

Speaker 1: 16:18

And, before you know it, if you have like the same kind of projects back to back and you kind of like utilize that team it's almost like your team building them, that team eventually, if they're not your A team, they will become your A team, you see, and then you can even grab another team, so that way they can be your A-team. They will become your A-team, you see, and then you can even grab another team, so that way they can be your A-1 team. You have these little groups of excellences that you can plug in to get things done, all the while having like a great time doing it and, most importantly, being a piece as you're trying to manage all these teams to accomplish a project which you will not be able to do it yourself. And that is also something that I have to remind myself. I can't do that myself, you know. I need a team to do it, so I need to be able to do all these steps to ensure that they get it done, you know, without any of us losing our hairs. So the takeaway for this one, vasitos, is that I am still working through it.

Speaker 1: 17:16

But letting go of control doesn't mean letting go of your standards or values Not at all. Keep those. It just means trusting people to get it done, focusing on the big picture, finding peace and knowing that you are all working toward a shared goal, reframing negative thoughts, controlling what you can control, and celebrate the collective wins once you reach that milestone and it's not always easy, but it's worth it. Like the feeling when you actually do something like that and you get it done. It's like very freeing. You're like, oh, so this is what it feels, this is what it feels to manage something, to encourage folk. That way they can finish something through you, and it's great sense of accomplishment. You know, and you may not have done nothing physically per se, but you were there, you were their support, you encouraged them, you pushed them, so it's so worth it. It's so worth it and because it's so worth it, that is why I continue to work on this. I continue to work on this because I know I continue to work on this because I know the more that I do it, the easier it will get, and the more that I do it, then the more of these freeing wins that I will have and I can't wait to feel more of that.

Speaker 1: 18:50

When you let go of control, you make space for creativity, connection and collective success, and I hope this episode Recitos resonated with you and gave you some practical tools to let go of control in community settings. And remember, it's a process and if you didn't hear me, I will tell you I am still working on this process, so you are not alone in working through this. If you love this episode, share with somebody who you know might need a little nudge to loosen their grip on control, like I do, and don't forget to subscribe to have a Couple Johnny podcast for more episodes like this. Thank you for listening and, as always, take care of yourself and each other. You got this, we got this. Oh, we could. We could fly. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.