Navigating Criticism: Personal Growth and Self-Care Strategies

Familiarity breeds contempt, "but why does it feel like those closest to us often become our toughest critics?" Discover the intricate dynamics of personal growth and how the most intimate observers in our lives can sometimes challenge our journey. Join me on "Have a Cup of Johanny" as we unravel the reasons behind this phenomenon, exploring the roles of vulnerability, projection, and envy. Learn the crucial art of setting boundaries to protect your mental health and make informed decisions about who gets a front-row seat to your story. In a world of oversharing, find out how to discern what you reveal and to whom, securing your peace and well-being.

Transitioning to self-care and goal pursuit, this episode equips you with practical tools for enhancing emotional resilience. Experience the transformative impact of voice and textual journaling, and discover the power of a "compliments folder" to lift your spirits. We talk about the liberating practices of forgiveness and letting go of grudges. Personal strategies like taking "crying breaks" and visiting anger rooms are shared to help process emotions effectively while emphasizing the importance of moving at your own pace. Recognize your self-worth beyond external perceptions and keep celebrating your unique journey. As the November series wraps up, these insights are designed to bolster your personal growth, preparing you to stride confidently into the coming months. Don't forget to subscribe, share your thoughts, and join us for more enriching discussions.

Chapters

• 0:00 Season of Growth and Navigating Criticism
• 13:00 Self-Care and Goal Pursuit

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh, we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Johanny podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me, and I hope you enjoy.

Speaker 2: 0:26

Hola, vasitos, and welcome back to have a Cup of Joani. I am your host, joa for short here with another round of cafecito and conversation. This month we've been exploring navigating personal growth amid external challenges, a theme that was inspired by some personal reflection and a bit of frustration, if I am to be real. In today's episode we're tackling a tough but very important, if you ask me, topic about why familiarity breeds contempt and how to navigate being undervalued by those who know you best. And if you ever felt like your biggest critics are the people closest to you, this episode is for you. Are you ready? Of course you are. Let's go, all right. So let's start with the phrase familiarity breeds contempt, and that's a mouthful, if you ask me. It's also early in the morning. But what does it really mean? Essentially, the more people know you, the more they see your flaws, your mistakes and your struggles. I equate this as somebody having a front seat to your life. They have a better shot at seeing everything, or most of what goes around in your life. So, for some reason, this deeper knowledge can sometimes lead to less respect, but usually it doesn't lead to more. It's frustrating, right? It's just it's frustrating. And you think that those who know your journey up close, that have those front row seats. Your hard work, your sacrifices would be your biggest cheerleaders, but often they're the ones who minimize your achievements.

Speaker 2: 2:33

I'm going to take a pause here because it's like, yeah, why does this happen? There are a few reasons, vasitos. There are a few reasons. One is that they've seen you at your most vulnerable and I said this on the first episode in November. They've seen it. They've been there when you dated the same kind of guy over and over, when you made all those financial mistakes, you know, credit score was probably at like a negative zero or something like that and they've been there for that. They've been there for all the missteps, all the moments of doubt, and maybe even they've seen you give up, you know, and say fudge it. So in their eyes you're not a polished version of success the world might, Because they know your humanity, they know your imperfections and for some that makes it hard to see your success without skepticism. I say that they have a hard time believing that people change and evolve and grow and gain wisdom. But that's another episode for another day.

Speaker 2: 3:48

Then there's the issue of projection. Sometimes people reflect their insecurities onto you. Your growth and achievement can highlight areas where they feel like they're coming up short. We talked about that as well. So instead of acknowledging that and using it as motivation, they instead will choose to belittle your success to protect their own self-image. That goes right along, I say, with envy.

Speaker 2: 4:19

So how do you deal with this? I will say that first, it's important to recognize that their reaction is more about them than it is about you. You got to separate yourself Once again. Just listen to the previous episodes. Don't hold on to other people's baggage. They are their baggage. They must carry that through life.

Speaker 2: 4:41

I feel that when people project things onto me, it's almost like they're trying to give me their crap, their trauma, their emotions. You know everything and that's not for me. I didn't make any of those things. That's for that person to carry. So remember that, because it's a reflection of their internal struggles, not a commentary on your worth. It has like no proof of that, and understanding this can help take some of the sting out of that criticism, some of that hurt. And then I would say let's talk boundaries and we're revisiting this because it's important.

Speaker 2: 5:23

I think that I can never talk boundaries enough, especially if you're part of the Latina community. I feel like I cannot say enough things about boundaries and how that is important and how that is a life-saving skill to have, because protecting your mental health means it's deciding who gets to be part of your journey, who gets to share your wins with you, so that way you don't come out of an interaction feeling drained or unappreciated and it's okay to pull back, it's okay to say you know what? No, I changed my mind. It's okay to say you know what. I am not going to give energy to this situation or to this person, because not every aspect of your life needs to be shared with everyone. And take that from a person who, when I first got Facebook many years ago, I was such an oversharer, such an oversharer. Looking at it now, it was like cringy. Even my sister. She jumped in there and she was like oh, you're sharing too much. And my sister is an overshare as well, okay. So when she told me that, I was like I knew that I had gotten out of hand. But you see what I'm saying Doing that kind of stuff, kind of like, opens you up to criticism from people that you don't necessarily need to hear from right, or criticism from your inner circle.

Speaker 2: 7:03

If you're like me and your Facebook is filled with family and friends, right, and I'm just saying, protect that, protect your peace, because all I had to do back then was just be more discerning about what I published there. And now, as I look back at it, I'm also thinking about like taking away, taking off some of those things that I put in there at the beginning, just because it's like it's too much. It's too much. People can use that to don't judge me now based on my past self. Then, and that's how I look at it when people have grown up with me or they know me for a long time, that they will continue to see that version of me, as opposed to the current and improved and always evolving version, to be honest, and an improved and always evolving version, to be honest. So pull back if you have to and be discerning about who you share your wins with, who you share things on Facebook with, because, once again, not every aspect don't be like me not every aspect of your life needs to be shared with everyone.

Speaker 2: 8:17

Another strategy is to lean on a supportive network. For me, I feel like I'm so compartmentalized in my life because for me it's like I have kind of like an army network. I have a writing network, I have a chicas network, I have a book club network. So for all these buckets where I throw love in, I have a network within those. The overarching network for me, somebody that I share, everything that I do within all those buckets, is my husband. So that is kind of like the umbrella over all of that. But I have people within every single one of those I don't know what to call it faces of my life or sections of my life, because I have a lot of interests. So I think that's why I do it this way.

Speaker 2: 9:17

So if you're like me and you have a lot of various interests or you are part of various groups, this may work for you. Where you have a certain group of people within each of those networks that you're part of, that you know for a fact, will uplift, you, will vibe with you, will not demean you or minimize your good news when you bring it to them, because that demoralizes people. And this could be mentors. This could be colleagues or friends who get it. Remember, they have to get it. And as someone who writes it, remember they have to get it.

Speaker 2: 9:58

And as someone who writes, I see people minimizing that, especially at the beginning. It's like, oh, you wrote that little book, little, first of all. First of all, it's like 55,000 words. That's a lot, okay, but you see things like that and I see it a lot in that space, especially at the beginning. But now that I've been doing it for a while now five years I have been able to vet the people that won't do me that way. When I share my wins small, medium or large wins, whatever they won't use those diminutive words, they won't minimize it or they won't belittle it, make fun of it or put it down.

Speaker 2: 10:44

So do what you got to do. If you need to make a list of all the people that you know for a fact are vibing with you and you know that you can share things with them, write them down. Have that list if that's what you need to do, so that way you know who to go to. But it's also let's go into the next point, which is to practice self-validation, practice self-validation. We're gonna wrap all of this up, okay, self-validation you gotta remind yourself that your journey is valid, your achievements are real and you don't need external approval to know your worth.

Speaker 2: 11:27

Okay, Do that happy dance, like I told you all at the beginning of this month, it is nothing wrong with that, because sometimes you may be the only person that gets it. You know the only person that gets it and you got to do what you got to do to keep going. So if that is like tapping your own shoulder and saying, hey, good job, joah, you know doing that happy dance in front of the mirror and telling myself I did that, you know I'm a badass, I did that, I accomplished that, then do that. We need this in order to keep going. Hear me out on this one Human beings, we need that motivation. We need that. That is like fuel for us to keep going. So we got to learn how to like tune out things right. Especially if you're around a low vibing group of people. It's so important to have that skill of where we can tune that out in order to tune into ourselves or tune in within and be our own cheerleader, our own hype woman, hype man, whatever you know, and just look in the mirror and then go jump up and down and say you got this and celebrate yourself and what feels good to you. Okay, you've heard me say I use journaling.

Speaker 2: 13:00

I do voice journaling as well as textual journaling, where I reflect and say the things that I'm very happy about, grateful about, and things that I accomplish. I also have a compliments folder in my Outlook email. You know why. You know why. So when I'm feeling down, I can look at that and then see all the great things, the proof that I can do great things. And that helps if you find yourself just like me. Sometimes I find myself where I'm not really around people that I can share good news with. I can open up that folder and feel good about it. I can look at that folder and have proof that I do great things. So if that's something that speaks to you and that's something that you want to try, do it. Make a compliments folder or kudos folder on your email. So when somebody sends you good job on this, or I love how you did that or that was awesome, oh, my God, I watched your video. Oh, I read your book, this was awesome, you know, save that. Save that so that way you can look at that and pep yourself up, so that way you can keep going.

Speaker 2: 14:13

And lastly, the last point that I want to make Vesitos, it's forgiveness and moving forward. I mean holding on to hurt, and grudges never helped anyone. I know I'm a petty individual, but I can admit that I have to let it go. Just let it go. Let it go, you know what I'm saying. And just dismiss it. Brush the dirt off your shoulders and keep going, Because here's the thing I told you right we're not supposed to carry other people's emotional baggage. We're only supposed to carry our own. It is too heavy. It is not sustainable for us to carry other people's emotional baggage, okay. It is not sustainable for us to carry other people's emotional baggage, okay. So when you holding on to a grudge, that's what you're doing you holding on to somebody else's emotional baggage.

Speaker 2: 15:10

Let it go. Let it go like that song. Okay, it's okay to feel disappointed. I give myself crying breaks so that way I can let it all out and I allow myself to have weepy days. I tell my husband no, today I just want to cry and just like watch TV and then not do anything, you know, but the next day I'm up. So it's okay to give yourself that space to feel sad, to feel disappointment, to feel angry. There are like angry rooms out there where people just trash a whole bunch of things with a sledgehammer. I try that too. It is awesome.

Speaker 2: 15:50

But then, right once you exercise, those emotions come back. Come back because now it's time to pursue your goals, to continue pursuing your goals, because now it's time to pursue your goals, to continue pursuing your goals, and you can forgive them, but you are forgiving them for your sake, not for their sake. Or you can say you know what I don't forgive them, and that's okay. Re-evaluate it later on and see if you have changed your mind or whatnot. But if you don't want to forgive, move on with your time. I hate it when people push forgiveness so hard on others that I think it just creates its own set of problems If somebody has done you so wrong that you feel it in your heart that you cannot forgive that person, that is okay. Just keep moving forward. Eventually you're going to come to a place where you can look back at that and have a different perspective, a different point of view, but I wouldn't bog myself down over forgiving somebody that has hurt me deeply and for which I have no aptitude to forgive in that moment.

Speaker 2: 16:58

Care for yourselves, but most importantly is to keep pushing forward and understand that not everyone will see or understand your journey. That is a giving and that's okay. What matters is that you do that. You're growing, you're evolving and that's something to be proud of Just the fact that you're moving.

Speaker 2: 17:22

And as we wrap this episode, vasitos, I want to leave you with this thought your worth isn't determined by others' perceptions Ooh, I needed to hear that too. Your worth isn't determined by others' perceptions. Keep striving, keep growing and remember that the right people will see your light and celebrate it. And, bacitos, this wraps our November series on navigating personal growth amid external challenges, and I hope these conversations have given you some tools and insights to navigate your own journey. And, as always, if you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, leave a review and share with someone who might need it. Thank you for joining me on this journey, vacitos, keep your cups full and your spirits high, and until next time I will see you all in December. Bye, bye. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you.

Speaker 1: 18:25

Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.