Mastering the Art of Personal and Professional Boundaries

Ever felt like you're juggling too many balls, trying to keep both your personal growth and professional aspirations aloft? You're not alone! This episode of Have a Cup of Johanny delves into the art of setting boundaries between personal and professional lives—a skill I've honed out of sheer necessity. I share revealing anecdotes from my own life, illustrating how creating these boundaries has been pivotal in maintaining my peace and sharpening my focus. We'll uncover the importance of being selective with whom you share your milestones, ensuring your energy is uplifted by those who genuinely appreciate your efforts. 

As we explore this balancing act, we distinguish between truly supportive friends and those who merely agree with everything you say. A nourishing network is key to fostering both personal and professional growth, and I'll share strategies to help you curate this essential support system. From personal stories to practical tips, learn how to create distinct spaces for your personal and professional life, and how a supportive partner, like my husband, can encourage your journey without stifling your creativity. Through trial and error, find what works best for you and build an environment where you can thrive, sharing your achievements with those who will genuinely celebrate them.

Enter a world of fear, resilience, and generational trauma in "The Devil That Haunts Me". Follow Isabella and Julitza as they confront their demons in a tale of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural.

Explore the first seven chapters here

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Personal and Professional Boundaries
• 18:44 Setting Personal and Professional Boundaries

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Chahani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hola, vasitos, welcome back to another episode of have a Cup of Johanny podcast. I am Jo, for short, here with my cafecito, already drunk and ready to dive into this real talk that I like having with you.

Speaker 1: 0:44

This month's theme, in case you're just joining us, is Navigating Personal Growth Amid External Challenges. It's all about dealing with those tricky dynamics that come with growing as a person, while managing the responses of those around you the responses of those around you. Today, we're exploring a topic I've had to master out of necessity, which is keeping personal and professional lives separate, because, let's be real, it's not always easy, but for me it's been a game changer in protecting my peace and staying focused on my goals. Are you ready? Of course you are. I know you are Okay, let's dive in. So here's the thing. Dive in. So here's the thing. Sharing your achievements and ambitions with those closest to you should feel natural, should feel good, right. But what happens when their reactions don't match your excitement, when their responses leave you feeling dismissed, criticized, mocked, belittled. This is where the art of self-preservation comes into play. Take it from me, your self-preservation queen. Over the years, I've learned to create boundaries between my personal and professional lives, hard boundaries. Why? Well, because past experiences taught me that not everyone in my personal circle understands or support my professional journey, and that's okay. But what's not okay, though, is letting those reactions weigh me down or derail my progress. That's not what I'm going to allow.

Speaker 1: 2:51

Let's break this down, because there's more than just this, too Separating professional from personal. First, there's the emotional protection that goes into place when you keep your professional wins to yourself or share them only with those who you have vetted and you know genuinely. Genuinely celebrate you, you shield yourself from unnecessary negativity, and that is just you being proactive and protecting and helping yourself. And this isn't about secrecy or being secretive or anything like that, but it's about being selective. Okay, there's a difference being selective with whom you share your journey selective, with whom you share your journey?

Speaker 1: 3:50

Now you might be thinking but, joah, shouldn't the people closest to you be your biggest supporters? And if they're not, why are they even that close to you? In an ideal world? Yes, yes, those closest to you should be your biggest supporters. But I want you to go back to the first episode of November of this theme and so that way you can realize that that's not always realistic, that's not always how it plays out. Because, remember, those closest to you are probably closest to you, or sometimes closest to you because of the longevity, the time that they have known you. They have been with you through thick and thin. They know you through the different faces of your life.

Speaker 1: 4:38

And some of those people, while they are close to you, they're still looking at you through an extinct lens, your past self lens, and when they don't let go of that frame of thought, then they're not looking at the present you, they're not looking at the current you, the real you that is with them in that moment. So those people are the ones they just cannot reconcile your past self with your current self. Those are the ones that, while they are close to you and y'all share a lot of things together, they may not be the right kind of people to share your wins with. Just think about that. To share your wins with, just think about that. And that's why I say that just because they're closest to you doesn't necessarily mean that those are the people to share your wins with.

Speaker 1: 5:35

Just because some of those people, while they are closest to you, they are looking at you through a lens that is no longer valid, and sometimes those people, like I said, struggle to adjust their perception of you as you grow and find it hard to see you any other way, and then this can lead to a frustrating cycle of seeking validation from people who aren't equipped to give it. I go back to like we shouldn't be asking legal opinions from somebody who doesn't have any legal expertise, kind of like that. Like, look at it through that lens, because it's gonna be frustrating if you're seeking validation from someone who is looking at you through an incorrect lens. They just they're not equipped to give it. So stop asking them to give that to you. Stop looking at them as the person or the source to gain some sort of validation from.

Speaker 1: 6:39

And that's where boundaries come in right, and we talked about that in the last episode a little bit right About boundaries, and they're very important because now boundaries are going to help us to be selective, sharing our personal wins, our personal and professional milestone, and we're going to ensure that our energy is spent in places and spaces where it's valued and uplifted. So I'm going to say it again, boundaries will help us to be selective Selective in sharing our professional and personal milestones, because it will ensure that our energy is spent in spaces and places where it is valued and uplifted. And for me, this has meant keeping my personal social media spaces focused on family and day-to-day life and my professional achievements. You may ask those are reserved for my business platforms and share with a community that understands the work and dedication behind them, behind them and you will hear about my platforms here through my podcast, because through this podcast I share those platforms, I share my business platform. So everything that has to do with advocating diversity in literature and books and in children's books and own voices from authors that have lived those experiences, that are part of those communities, you're going to see it here through this platform that I have.

Speaker 1: 8:28

When I shift to sharing things on my personal platforms, it's all about family. I keep most of my military milestones out of that one and my publishing, writing business stuff out of that one as well. I am very, very selective, very, very selective of what I put in my personal family platform, just because I know that the people there are family members, are friends from high school and friends that know me throughout the years. But I know, in fact, that there are people there that still view me through the lens of that skinny, lost little Dominican girl that recited back then in my past and they are unable to reconcile with this woman that is in front of them currently trying to do and achieving all these things. So that's why, when I say I'm selective, like I'm very selective, like stringently so selective when it comes to that.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Another aspect of keeping these worlds separate is also that it helps me to avoid burnout. When you blur the lines between personal and professional, it's easy to feel as if you're always on. I hate feeling that way and I have gone through certain phases in my life where I have achieved burnout because of that, because I melded the two together and it felt as if that switch stayed on the entire time and I was exhausted. I was mentally exhausted and that was one of the reasons actually why I separated my social media, because I know I was going back and forth at the beginning and even some writing colleagues, writing peeps in the community were saying some disagreed, some agreed, some were saying, oh, that's just too hard, that's just too much. And at first I thought like I was trapped in that mentality as well that perhaps having two social media accounts on on Facebook and Instagram would be too much for me to manage. But then I started thinking about my mental health and the burnout that I was currently simmering on and I figured that, yes, it may be too hard, because I went through a whole telling followers to go to another page and like taking them off of the family page and taking families off of the business page when they found its way there and then just shifting them through the family page and I think I put like several messages on both saying, look, this page is for this and that page is for that. And I'm going to in seven days, right, like I'm going to give you seven days, and in seven days I'm going to reconcile my followers just to make sure that they're aligned with these two social media platforms that I will be having, that I will be establishing in seven days timeframe. And yes, it was hard at the beginning.

Speaker 1: 14:05

And even now sometimes I find that some people from my family circle will go into the business page and I scrutinize that movement and I scrutinize that individual and usually what goes in my head is like, okay, how is this person, how has this person been in my life, how do they understand me currently? And I ask all these questions and it's kind of like this, this equation that goes through my head, just to see if that individual is the right person to have on my business page. Because, once again, if they're not aligned with who my ideal reader is, who my ideal follower is, then I just I don't want them there because it's just I'm not going to gain any traction. You see what I'm saying? It's just the traction is not going to be there because they're just holding up a space, sucking up energy that is not meant for them and it's a lose-lose for both of us. So that's why I'm a big advocate of I'd rather have small follower count, but they're real and they're there and they want to be there, than to have a crap ton of people or forcing my family and friends to follow my business account and buy my books and listen to my podcast and all of that, when I know in fact it is not. Those products are not for them. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 15:40

I want this to be a win-win for all of us, and I think that's what I discovered after I went through that burnout period and had to do the whole separation between church and state, separation between personal joy and business joy. I got you. I got you. I know I did. It's also all about self-awareness. I've learned to recognize which people are safe for sharing my ambitions, and it goes to what we just talked about here. I really dissect that individual and it's not like it's because I'm being critical of them or anything like that.

Speaker 1: 16:20

I am dissecting and doing these equations in my head because I just want to make sure that this is going to be healthy for both of us, that this is going to be conducive for joy, happiness, contentment, peace, grace for both of us. It has to be a win-win for both of us and if not, then one of us shouldn't be in my platform, and that one of us is not me. One of us shouldn't be in my platform and that one of us is not me, that one of us is them, and it's not about isolating myself, but, once again, I'm the self-preservation queen, so I will protect my mental health and ensure that my goals remain a source of joy and motivation and not stress. Remain a source of joy and motivation and not stress. And that's another reason why I have that separation there, because I don't want somebody stressing me out with their misguided opinions about what I should and shouldn't I do, because they still thinking of me as old Joah and not current Joah, and that will stress me out. That and that will stress me out. That level of harassment will stress me out.

Speaker 1: 17:35

And let's not forget a big, big, big important thing, and that is having a support network around you, whether it's a mentor or a group of like-minded professionals or even just one or two trusted friends. Having people who understand and appreciate your journey can make all the difference. Having those individuals around you can be the one thing that propels you from subtask to subtask to culminating goal, to achieving this dream that you have had for a long time. I am telling you, it's all about the network of people, those people that you have around you, and I'm not saying surround yourself with yes, people. That's not what it is, and I hope you didn't get that perception out of this episode, because that's not what I'm saying. I am saying be around individuals that know the current you and are supportive of your goals and ambitions. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 18:45

So there's a difference there. I'm not saying that they got to like everything that you do and they have to agree with everything that you do. A good friend, a real friend, will tell you when your bullshittometer right is going off the rails. But also a good friend, a real friend, will be supportive of your goals, not minimize it, not criticize it, not belittle it or mock it. So see, it's a difference there when you say be around people that support you and nourish you, versus be around people that are, yes, people in your life. Yes, people are going to drown you in the pool. Supportive people are going to throw you a lifeline and then tell you you know what I told you, but I'm here for it, I'm here for you. Let's try again. You see there's a difference there. There's a difference. Yes, people will be like then you're drowning, drowning, drowning. They just get in their car and go Supportive people, they're petty like me. They're going to tell you. I told you so while throwing you a lifeline and then just saying let's okay, now, once you cough up all the chlorine water, let's get back into the pool, let's try again Differently this time, but let's try again See. See that difference? I hope so. I hope so, vasito. I hope I am talking clearly to you and we are going through this learning process together and just becoming better people together. I hope so.

Speaker 1: 20:37

So how do we implement these boundaries so that way we can separate these two things, personal versus professional. And you heard me. One of the things that I did was just create, literally create two houses, two social media platforms, platforms. But I will also say to start small. As with anything, if you're like me, you get overwhelmed when you have a task that is so big and you just feel like it's this insurmountable goal, insurmountable mountain that you must climb, and your thighs, your legs are already hurting just thinking about it. So I would say start small. Decide first what aspects of your professional life you're comfortable sharing with your personal circle. Know that beforehand. Maybe it's just the big milestones, or maybe it's just nothing at all. Maybe you would like to hold on to things for as long as possible before we release it to the world, and that is perfectly okay If that's what works for you, vasitos, that's what works for you. I'm not here to judge you. You know what I'm saying. So go for it. Go for it. Do that. I did the same thing.

Speaker 1: 21:56

I was selective with who I was sharing things and I'm also selective with what I am sharing. I tend to not share when things are in the developmental phase. I like to share once things have come to fruition or when they're close, and I am certain that it will come through fruition. You see, now I have a group of individuals and when I say group of individuals I mean my husband, my cat, my dog that I share things in the beginning faces. And I do that because I know for a fact that my husband is not going to put it down. He's not going to put it down. He's not going to put it down. He's not going to be like you suck, what are you thinking? You know he's not going to like, punch that hope away. Now I know other people in my close circle may do that. There's a good chance that they may do it, because they think that they're trying to protect me from failure by doing that, my husband has learned that I need to fly and he knows this is going to sound cheesy, but he knows that he's like that wind that propels me to fly even higher.

Speaker 1: 23:18

And that's what he does. And it can be like a crappy idea, a crappy developmental idea, like when I'm thinking about a book idea. Right away I tell him and he was like, oh, that reminds me of this or that reminds me of that, and I'm like, oh yes, I'm right in the money. Some other people have done it and it's been good. I can put my own twist on it, you know, and it's kind of like that, like he hypes me up and sometimes just by talking it out loud to him, sometimes I find faults within that idea, but I find that out on my own, through my own reasoning, through talking it out loud with him or to him. You see what I'm saying, not because he pointed out the flaws or he pointed out how stupid it was, or something like that. You see what I'm saying.

Speaker 1: 24:09

So I know my husband is going to give me the wind. I need to just erect my wings and start flying as high as possible with these goals, these dreams that I have, and I know that other people, while they love me, they are not apt. They don't have that aptitude to do that. They don't have that interpersonal knowledge. They don't have that deep knowledge of me to give that to me, you see. But it doesn't mean that they're horrible people or that they love me any less. It's just they don't have that.

Speaker 1: 24:46

But remember, at the end of the day, I'm giving you things that work for me. It doesn't necessarily mean that it will work for you. That's where trial and error and experimentation comes into play here, so that way you can try things out and you can see what works or what doesn't work for you, for your lifestyle, for your abilities. And remember, by creating these boundaries, you're not just protecting yourself, you're also fostering an environment where you can thrive, both personally and professionally. All of that is part of you. And as we wrap today's episode, I want to leave you with this thought Boundaries are a form of self-care. Boundaries are a form of self-care. They're not about keeping people out. They're about letting the right people in, protect your peace, focus on your growth and share your journey with those who will genuinely celebrate it.

Speaker 1: 25:49

Next week, we'll be digging into our final topic for this month. I'm so excited. It will be why familiarity breeds contempt, and how to navigate being undervalued by those who know you best. Oh, I know it hurts. It's going to be a good one, so I want you all to stay tuned for that and, as always, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast with someone who you know needs it. Keep your cups full and your spirits high, and I will see you, vasitos, next time. Besos, thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.