Transforming Envy into a Catalyst for Personal and Professional Growth

What if your envy could be your greatest ally on the path to personal growth? In this compelling episode, I unpack a personal journey of confronting the uncomfortable and often misunderstood emotion of envy. Sharing a story from my time in the Army, where my initial envy of others' promotions led to self-reflection and growth, I offer insights into transforming envy from a stumbling block into a stepping stone. From the initial sting of being met with indifference when sharing good news to utilizing journaling for deeper self-awareness, this episode promises a fresh perspective on envy as a catalyst for change. With the wisdom gained from mentors and hard-won resilience, I reveal how envy can fuel ambition and help maintain focus on personal and professional goals.

Life's challenges demand a delicate balance between personal desires and professional duties. Here, I share strategies to protect your peace and recognize what truly matters, emphasizing the art of boundaries and self-preservation. As a self-proclaimed master of maintaining harmony between different facets of life, I impart lessons learned along the way, encouraging you to keep your aspirations clear and your heart open. Whether you’re battling the green monster or striving for equilibrium in your life, this episode is a thoughtful guide to navigating your emotions and using them to propel you forward. Join us for this eye-opening discussion, and let's transform envy into a powerful tool for growth together.

Enter a world of fear, resilience, and generational trauma in "The Devil That Haunts Me". Follow Isabella and Julitza as they confront their demons in a tale of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural.

Explore the first seven chapters here

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Envy for Personal Growth
• 9:16 Harnessing Envy for Personal Growth
• 24:19 Balancing Personal and Professional Lives

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a cup of johanni podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Welcome back, vasitos, to have a Cup of Joani. I am your host, joa for short, ready to pour another cup of cafecito or tea or mimosa, whatever it is that you're drinking, with some thoughtful conversation.

Speaker 1: 0:43

This month's theme, if you're just tuning in, is navigating personal growth amid external challenges, and this is a theme that hits home for me and really got under my skin, and it is inspired by a recent experience where sharing my own good news was met with something less than enthusiasm. Last week we talked about the struggle for recognition, that sting when those closest to you don't acknowledge our achievements, and today we're diving into something just as tricky but equally important Envy. It's one of those emotions we don't like to admit we feel, but let's be honest, it creeps in more often than we like and more often than we like to admit. Are you ready to talk about it? Are you ready to talk about it? Of course you are. Let's go. Envy is one of those universal human experiences. Okay, we all get it. We see someone else achieve something. We want a dream job, a promotion, a big milestone, a nice car, dream job, a promotion, a big milestone, a nice car. And then that little green monster inside all of us starts whispering why not me? I know it's really uncomfortable, it's also humbling and it is a powerful mirror. If we're willing to look Now, envy is not inherently bad. In fact, I will say it can be a catalyst for growth if we know how to handle it.

Speaker 1: 2:37

The key is to recognize it right. Knowing is half the battle. We got to understand where it's coming from and use it as a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block. So let's start with recognition. When you feel envy, just kind of like, sit with that. When you feel envy, gosh, what is it that goes through you? Envy, gosh? What is it that goes through you, like? What are those physical reactions? Tightness in the stomach, this clenching sensation, we clenching our jaw?

Speaker 1: 3:14

First of all, we got to understand those emotions so that way we are aware and we can recognize it. So, once we get to the recognition, so once we get to the recognition, the first thing we shouldn't do is shove it down and ignore it. No, no, no, no, no. We got to say, hey, I see you, you're there, and on top of that, say to ourselves okay, I'm feeling envious, I am recognizing all these physical reactions to it, but why? Why am I feeling that? Why has the green monster decided to make a cameo appearance today? The answers may be someone else achieved something that we wanted, and then, if that is the answer, then that's a good thing, right? That means that it's highlighting an area where we feel less than, or we feel as if we're falling short, coming up short. So, right there, just by doing that, first understanding our physical reactions to it, so we can understand that that is the emotion that we're feeling, then identifying that we are feeling that emotion, and then going deeper and identifying why we're feeling it and understanding that it is because we see something in someone else that we wish will be in our lives. So now we're coming to a solution, a potential solution, because it is highlighting the root cause of that green monster making a cameo appearance during that moment. And that is good because that is constructive. We can work with that root cause Now that we recognize it. Now the next step to that will be reflection. You are going to continue to hear me talk about journaling, because that is so important towards self-awareness and reflection, and that is something that I use on a daily basis to help me understand myself and my reaction to things around me, and particularly when it comes to envy.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Envy is a powerful motivator when you use it to understand what you truly want. For instance, if you're envious of someone's career milestone, right, you see somebody get promoted. Oh, my goodness, this was me In the Army. I think I held on to Sergeant E5 rank for, like it felt like 10 years. It was actually five years, but our points are so high we needed a certain amount of points to make it to the next rank and it was almost impossible. Achieving that many amount of points meant that I would be virtually almost perfect.

Speaker 1: 6:15

Quote unquote air quotes here on a lot of different aspects. That has to do with the whole soldier concept and to me that was just such an insurmountable mountain to climb. So of course I will see everyone else that was not part of my specialty get promoted before me and I will feel that green monster coming out Like I pushed myself to be happy for them because I understood envy to be bad, a bad thing to feel. So I would shove it and then just cover it up, wrap it up with happiness, but it was that kind of happiness that your smile wouldn't reach the corner of your eyes. Therefore, it was the fake happiness, right, but I knew something was wrong there, what I didn't know at that time, and it wouldn't come until later on that I could have used that to motivate me and eventually I figured it out intuitively, so it wasn't decisively, so it was more like I stumbled upon that knowledge. And this is why another reason why I love having this podcast because then perhaps those of you listening don't have to stumble upon certain things. Perhaps you can listen to the stories that I share and then have a easier time and easier experience, particularly when you encounter that green monster.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Because what I didn't do at that time while I knew that I was envious, I didn't admit it to it, but I knew I was envious of that person getting promoted before me and I was angry about it, but I didn't admit it at the time what I should have done is use that to motivate me to reach that goal. What I should have done back then is ask myself what about their success? Do I admire? And then take that further and ask myself what steps can I take to achieve something similar? Like I said, eventually I got so mad, but mostly because of my impatient nature. I was there for five years. Folks, come on, vasitos, give me a break, give me some grace here. I was there for five years, oh goodness, goodness, goodness.

Speaker 1: 8:43

And eventually that impatience turned into anger and that anger motivated me to like crush an APFT and then to go to the range and do like miraculous things, and that's the thing. We can talk about that on another episode. But for me, anger has been like oh goodness, oh, I can move mountains with just that emotion. But that is not sustainable, folks. That is not sustainable. That's something that we need to discuss in another episode. I have come to realize and gain some wisdom through that.

Speaker 1: 9:16

However, in that point in my life, in my twenties, I fueled that desire to get promoted with the anger of being held back, with the anger of seeing myself as an underdog, an unappreciated underdog. Once I realized that that is something that I really, really wanted and I saw people that I thought was underserving get it. While I was still sitting there waiting, I did something about it. I utilized the anger to crush that two mile run and I utilized the anger to get 38 out of 40 targets and it was yeah, it was insane. I have a funny story, so let me tell you all that.

Speaker 1: 9:58

So in the range, I forgot what duty station that was in, but I got kicked out because I didn't do something safely. I forgot what it was. I don't know if I stood up before the range, said that it's all clear, we can stand up. It was something like that, and it was rightfully so. It was one of those duty assignments that they take that stuff very, very seriously. Rightfully so, Right.

Speaker 1: 10:27

Once again, I was in my 20s, impetuous Right. I was this being that hasn't really hadn't developed yet, hadn't reached a level of maturity yet that I have now, and so forth. Like I said, I was angry. I was just trying to get mine and I went about it. You know the wrong way in that instance. So they kicked me out. They kicked me out of that range and I remember calling my NCO, and I am so appreciative of these NCOs that will go to bat for me no matter what, like blindly so.

Speaker 1: 11:03

And this NCO grabbed the Humvee no, tc. Went down that long road, found me. No, tc Went down that long road, found me, talked to the range officer there and was like look, look, look, I really need you know she's going to the board and so forth, so forth. Please give her a chance. My SEO stayed with me was my personal safety and all of that. And I was so angry because I was like they're kicking me out, they're trying to hold me back, because I was like they're kicking me out, they're trying to hold me back.

Speaker 1: 11:38

And when I went back in it was like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, no hesitation. We went from position to position. At that time it was less than what we have now. It was easier as well. And yeah, 38 out of 40. And my NCO was like this has to be enough. That means that you have to crush the APFT. He told me that means that your APFT needs to be like perfect, because my points were that high and I was like I'll go with it, you know, because I knew like they weren't going to allow me, like that was like a Hail Mary that we pulled through that day. I went back home per se with that score, knowing that it may not be enough, but it was the best that I can do at that time.

Speaker 1: 12:13

And then I believe, like a day or a week after that was my board and once again, once again like hear me out, like I carried this chip on my shoulder for the longest time and the sergeant major kicked me out of that board as well. I forgot what she said. She was like if you can't sell yourself here and expect your NCO to sell you, she was like you're in the wrong business or something like that. I can't quote her. It was awesome what she said and I remember getting so flustered I was like my armpits were sweating, I was angry. I was angry and she kicked me out. I held my tongue, I did an about face and rolled out of there and once again, my NCO went to bat for me and he was like you know, sorry, major, she just came out of maternity leave, you know, and all this other stuff. Right, because I did right and I had been studying during maternity leave, with breastfeeding my son. I had my son in one hand and my binder in the other studying for this board because I really wanted this and I go back in after my NCO once again went to bat for me I owe my life to these NCOs and she was like let her in.

Speaker 1: 13:31

And I went in and I was a different person. It was like this different being just took over me and I remember like having no hesitation in introducing myself and telling her why I should be promoted, and I didn't know this when I did it. I figure out later, from the comment that she gave me after I was done and she dismissed me, that I had yelled the entire board. I was so angry. I was so angry. Once again, I was like I want this promotion, other people are getting it and I'm not. Therefore I must take it. And if that means going through the board, humbling myself and yelling at the top of my lungs the NCO creed and every answer that that board gives me, then that is what I will be doing and that's what I did. And when she dismissed me, I yelled the motto and before I did an about phase, she was like don't you dare come back into a board yelling at people.

Speaker 1: 14:36

I was like Rogers, our major, did an about face and I left and I got a perfect score and that was what I needed to get promoted, because I crushed the APFT. I crushed the board, didn't crush the range, but that was all I needed. Once the points went down, I missed it. One month they didn't go down and the next month, finally, they came down and I picked it up. Without knowing. I felt that envy, that green monster that turned into impatience, into anger, and I used that, without knowing, to feel my actions and do everything that I needed to do to get what I wanted and what I was seeing other people get. And, like I told you as I was telling you this story, I am so grateful for all those NCOs. I owe them my life, I owe them what I have now. And that leads to my next point.

Speaker 1: 18:04

When it comes to envy, practicing gratitude and you have heard me talk about this. It sounds cliche, I know, but it works. When you feel envy creeping in, yes, let it fuel you, allow yourself to feel everything that comes with it and once you're done with that, look at what you currently have and take a moment to acknowledge those things and be grateful for it. Be grateful about the accomplishments that you have the lessons you've learned, the progress that you've made thus far, because gratitude refocuses our mind. It reminds us that, yes, jennifer got that promotion. Yes, but look at what I have accomplished thus far and I will remind you that, while Jennifer, success is admirable, you still have some good things going on.

Speaker 1: 19:20

Another way to look at it and be grateful and happy for someone else's success, I tell myself a lot of the times when I see other people achieving things, especially if they're in my circle, I tell myself, soon it will be my turn. I feel as if their success is a ripple effect that will eventually touch me if I just keep going. Which leads me to my next point, which is celebrate other successes. Because when you're genuinely happy, when I tell myself those things, it helps me feel happy genuinely for them. It helps me smile harder. My smile reaches the corner of my eyes because I know that their success is a ripple effect that is coming my way, and it also means that their success is like sunshine that will shine on me as well, and it lifts my spirit to think about it this way and it's contagious. I now say like, yes, I'm going to live through you. And that's how I feel sometimes when I see other people in my circle achieve things. It's almost like a ray of sunshine that touches me and I get this joy. You know it's so contagious. I get this joy through them and that is the best feeling to have.

Speaker 1: 20:59

Now let's talk a little bit about self-compassion, because envy often stems from a place of self-doubt or a place of feeling inadequate. Often stems from a place of self-doubt or a place of feeling inadequate, and it's so essential to be kind to yourself. Recognize that everyone's journey is different, and it's okay if you're not where you want to be yet, because what matters is that you're moving forward at your own pace. Each step is going to be different. Each step. You may move a little faster on some, slower on others, but the focus is, when you're looking at the steps that you're making, is that you are moving forward. However fast, however slow, you are moving forward. However fast, however slow you are moving forward. And remember, it's not a competition.

Speaker 1: 21:56

Yes, I held on to a rank for like so long, for five years. Looking back at it, I'm grateful for it because I learned a lot while being held up there. That became the basis of my leadership and it's one of the most important ranks to have, because that is where I got to learn the basics. It's almost like if you don't get kindergarten, it's very hard for you to move on to the other ones, and in a way, it was like the universe was like you're not ready yet. Let me hold on to you here, because this is going to be your trampoline. This is going to be what catapults you forward.

Speaker 1: 22:44

This is me now looking back at that, and now I can see that it was not a competition between me and all those other peers that were getting promoted before me. It was a competition between current Joannie and future Joannie. Current Joannie needed to level up, to prep the future me for where I am right now, and it worked. Perfect timing, perfect planning. It worked and there's room for everyone's success. There is room for everyone's success. That is something else to understand. Your path is yours and it doesn't look like anyone else's.

Speaker 1: 23:33

So next time you feel envy creeping in, take a deep breath, recognize it, feel the emotions reflect on it and use it as fuel to push yourself forward, and maybe through anger at first, and I hope that eventually it comes through gratitude. You can do this, I know you can. You got this. As we wrap up today's episode, I want to leave you with this Envy is a natural emotion, but it doesn't have to control you. By recognizing it, practicing gratitude and focusing on your own journey, you can turn it into a powerful tool for growth.

Speaker 1: 24:20

Next week, we're going to be talking about keeping personal and professional lives separate. We do need that, an art that I've come to master as part of my self-preservation strategy, because yours truly is a self-preservation queen. It's also about knowing what to share, when and with whom, to protect your peace and stay focused on your goals. Now, vasitos, if you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with somebody who you know needs to hear this. As always, keep your cups full and your hearts open Until next time, vasitos. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.