Reclaiming Validation: Thriving in the Face of Indifference and Mockery

Have you ever felt the sting of sharing your triumphs only to be met with indifference or mockery by those you expected to stand and cheer? This season of "Have a Cup of Johanny" kicks off with a deeply personal story that unveils the emotional fallout of such moments, exploring how these reactions from our closest allies can unexpectedly shape our personal growth journey. We navigate through the emotional turmoil of seeking validation from loved ones and the profound disappointment when our achievements are belittled. This episode is a heartfelt expedition into understanding these dynamics and how to stay on the growth path, even when recognition feels out of reach.

But it’s not all about the lows; it's time to reclaim the narrative, celebrate small victories, and maintain self-validation. We delve into the importance of setting boundaries and finding ways to cherish accomplishments, whether through journaling or sharing with trusted individuals. This is a reminder that negative responses often reflect others’ internal battles and shouldn't diminish our self-worth or derail our progress. By the end of this episode, you'll be armed with strategies to thrive amidst unsupportive environments and an enticing teaser for tackling envy next week. Join us as we elevate the importance of recognizing our unique journeys, regardless of external applause.

Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Personal Growth Amid External Challenges
• 11:51 Claiming Your Wins and Setting Boundaries

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a cup of johanni podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Welcome back, vasitos. So in my broadcast channel on Instagram, I called my followers their Vasitos. Vasitos is little cup, have a cup of Johnny, vasitos, get it. Ha ha ha. Okay, never mind. Welcome back, vasitos, to have a Cup of Johnny podcast. I am your host you already know me, joah for short and I'm here with like a fresh cup of coffee, tea, mimosa, whatever it is that you're drinking, so that way we can have a real chat between you and I.

Speaker 1: 1:15

This month, we are diving deep into a theme that's close to my heart and got under my skin Not going to lie on that one and that is navigating personal growth amid external challenges. And let me tell you the inspiration. You heard me tell you how it got under my skin. So this theme came from a personal experience that left me reflecting on all my ups and downs thus far in life and you have heard a lot of that, as I share this journey with you all. But, to be more specific, you know how it feels when you have good news and you share that, you're excited to share that, you have a group of people that you share that and you expect those that you trust to celebrate with you, but instead the response is underwhelming, to say the least, or worse, it is minimized as a joke. Has that happened to you? It is minimized as a joke. Has that happened to you? Yeah, because it happened to me and it stung a lot, but instead I'm dwelling on it for more than two days Because it did. It did get under my skin. I'm not going to lie. I did think about it a lot, I wrote it on my journal, I cursed in my journal and everything. But I got over it and once I did, I realized that it's a deeper conversation there and it was a deeper conversation that I needed to have beyond the blog. It's a deeper conversation that I needed to have beyond the blog, is a deeper conversation that I not just needed to have it in the blog, but I needed to bring it here to the podcast and share it with y'all, because it is something that can be so crushing that I felt I needed to share that with other people so that way you all wouldn't get stuck with that kind of sentiment, that kind of sting. So this month, that's what we're going to do together.

Speaker 1: 3:33

We will be exploring the challenges of personal growth, particularly when the people closest to us don't quite get it, don't support it or even belittle it. Today, in particular, we're talking about the struggle for recognition. Are you ready? Yes, yes, you are, let's go. So today's episode is all about that feeling. When you're hard work, your wins and if you go into my blog post, you're going to know that I celebrate everything, particularly the small wins, because those small wins are snowballed into bigger wins and our momentum to keep that motivation going, so that way you can capitalize on them and achieve that overall goal.

Speaker 1: 4:33

But when those wins big, large, medium or whatever aren't acknowledged by those who see your journey up close, right, that's a tough pill to swallow, because you expect your closest your closest your family, your friends, right, your booskies, those that are right next to you, 50 meter from you, to be your cheerleaders, but instead they sometimes are a little indifferent or dismissive, and that's why we got to talk about why this happened. But, more importantly, right, because sometimes we don't really know the why, because we're not that person. So more importantly I would say is, how can we navigate it without that attitude derailing our growth? So, first things first, let's acknowledge the emotional impact. It hurts, it freaking hurts, when people you care about don't recognize your efforts. I know, at the beginning I said it stung, but it hurts. It's like a slap. But why does it happen? Let's try to like put our heads together on this one. I think it's because sometimes those closest to us have a hard time adjusting their perception.

Speaker 1: 5:55

And this came to me, let me tell you, this came to me in the shower. I'm telling you like I just I could not let go of this, like I was thinking about this thing for the longest, and I'm like I even wrote it in my journal. I wrote the question why can't I let this go? And I knew that I had to sort it out because sometimes, if I don't, it'll wake me up in the middle of the night and things of that nature, right, so I've wrote it in my journal to kind of like address it in that moment. Still the next day I woke up and I was still thinking about it and at the gym, going to the gym, I thought about it and then finally, coming out of the gym and taking a shower, here I am.

Speaker 1: 6:35

It's something about the shower that just like percolates my brain to think deeper. This is when I come up with like my best storyline. So when I'm stuck somewhere in the storyline, like this is what everything opens up to me and I started to think about why does it happen? And I was like, and I was thinking of a quote in the Bible and how it says in there that, like the Messiah is never recognized in their homes, or something like that. Sorry to be a sixth grade catechist teacher and I went through the whole training and everything. So I know that book and it's there, right, and it's there. And then I started thinking about that.

Speaker 1: 7:18

I started thinking about what happened and I started thinking about like other times because this is not the first time and I reasoned that it will not be the last time and I found that at the crux of it, all those people closest to you, they remember you through a certain lens. They've seen our flaws up close. They've been there when we were trying to figure things out. They've seen our missteps. They see us dating the same kind of guy over and over. They struggle After seeing all of this. They struggle to reconcile that part of us, that growing side of us that was growing, that was messy, that was making all these messes of our lives as we was growing and gaining some wisdom, and they have a hard time shifting that and reconciling that with our current success.

Speaker 1: 8:17

So sometimes, right when we have those people around us, instead of celebrating us, they tend to minimize our achievements because in their minds they still see us as the person back then who kept dating the same kind of guy, who couldn't get our finances right, who kept overspending our credit cards, you know, and all of that right. It's kind of like what I tell my husband like my stepchildren are pretty big by now, right, but in my husband's eye he still sees them as babies. So when we go and shop for them and then buy things for them, it's almost like I have to remind them. I was like, hey, you know, your little girl it's, you know, it's this size. She's not that size any longer, you know, because it's hard, because he saw them as babies. He changed these kids' diapers, and it's the same thing with me and my son. It's hard to reconcile that he's a grown man with facial hair, you know, I just I don't see him that way. And that's one side of it.

Speaker 1: 9:30

But then there is another side of it Projection, these people, or some other people around us. They may see our growth and, whether consciously or not because sometimes I don't even think they know that they're doing it they compare it to their own journey. So there's this sort of projection going on and they may feel that they haven't achieved what they want. Therefore, your success can be a painful mirror reflecting their unfulfilled ambitions and therefore it triggers something in them. So instead, because we're human beings, right, we want to be comfortable at all times. So when they face those triggers that happen from that reflection, instead of facing that discomfort itself, they might joke about it, minimize it or criticize it in order to make that discomfort that they feel go away. But you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it doesn't matter, they did it.

Speaker 1: 10:35

The impact is that I'm hurt and I get it because that's how I feel, too Right. What we really want to know is how do we deal with it. How did I deal with this? Let me tell you, vasitos, because I am petty, but first, first, first. First, it's about self-validation, and I always go back and y'all need to go back to this episode where I talk about the books that changed my life, because in there, one of the book is the Four Agreements. Whenever I find myself stuck in hurt caused by others, I go back to that book and I remember the Four Agreements. And, going back to this situation, I had to center myself and de-center them out of my situation, because what I needed was validation from me, not validation from them. Therefore, what I needed was self-validation. I needed to understand that my worth is not defined by others recognizing it or others perceiving it as a win.

Speaker 1: 11:51

And once again, I'm going to take you back to that blog post of celebrating small wins. I celebrate my wins and I will tell you celebrate your wins, even if it is you celebrating alone. I don't care if it's a happy dance in front of the mirror, I don't care if it's you putting it on X, tiktok, instagram to your five followers, it doesn't matter. A win is a win is a win is a win. Celebrate it, celebrate it. Celebrate it in a way that makes you feel joyful while still being a healthy way to you, so that way you can gain that validation. Journaling may be a way. I do that. Self-reflection can be a way. Sharing your achievement with people that you have vetted, you know for a fact, are supportive, can also help to reinforce your sense of accomplishment.

Speaker 1: 12:47

But if you find yourself in that situation that I found myself in, self-validation is your first go-to step. I encourage you write it down, give yourself kudos on a journal, on a notebook. It down, give yourself kudos on a journal, on a notebook wherever, on your social medias, wherever, because validation is necessary, because you're going to need that momentum to keep going and you're going to need that proof. I call it so. That way you can look back at that moment and when things are depressing, sad, dark or whatnot, you have something to look back at that moment. And when things are depressing, sad, dark or whatnot, you have something to look back at, to give yourself proof that you know what your life is not shit all the time. It's just shit sometimes, and other times it's just fine and dandy, it's great.

Speaker 1: 13:38

Secondly, secondly, set boundaries. I'm going to refer you back to that one episode that I talked about boundaries In the Latina community. Oh my God, boundaries are sacrilegious. I think that's how you say that word. Right, it's a sin. It's a sin. No one is supposed to have boundaries. Damn it. No one Fudge it, I have it. So, secondly, set boundaries. It's okay to keep some things private. It's okay for your celebration to not be public, to just be between you and your mirror, you and your cat, you and your dog, right and in the comfort and privacy of your home, or just in the privacy of your journal. It's okay. It's also okay to be very particular about who you share your wins with, or in what space you share your wins in, once you have vetted that space, and then the people around it, and all of that.

Speaker 1: 14:40

I don't care if people call you picky, bougie or whatnot. This is self-preservation, besitos. This is about you surviving this harsh world, right? So you set your boundaries and you set your privacy, setting on your life, however it is that you want or need to happen, because not everyone in your personal circle I don't care how personal or how long they have known you I hate it when people say that I've known you all. So who cares? Who cares? It's still my life. I'm still in charge of it, I'm still holding the reins of this horse. You know, I don't care how long you know me, I don't care if we was in the womb together. My circle is my circle. My personal stuff is my personal stuff. I choose to share it with whoever I please.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Okay, no-transcript, because some of them haters are just there to hate. Let's be honest here. Okay, let that sink in, all right? Thirdly, lastly, remember that this whole thing and I'm going to take you back to the four agreements right, that says don't take anything personally, because that attitude it's all about them, it has nothing to do with you, and that's what I had to remind myself in the shower. That's all about them, has nothing to do with me.

Speaker 1: 16:11

I achieved that. I achieved that. Whether they want to recognize it or not, it does not matter. I achieved that. That that came out their mouth, that that is oozing out of their pores, that's a them problem, not a me problem. Their reaction is a reflection of their internal struggles. They're not a reflection of my worth or your worth, my values or your values.

Speaker 1: 16:41

And when we understand this concept, we can navigate these dynamics with more grace. More importantly, like with less emotional weight, because I'm so tired of carrying other people's emotional baggage is insane. You'll be surprised. These people in this world just want to be dumpster trucks and just dump their emotional baggage on everybody else so that way they don't carry them. No Fudge that You're going to carry your own baggage, right, like they say in the army you pack it, you carry it. I didn't make that. I have my own to carry. I refuse to carry other people's emotional baggage. Refuse, okay. So remember that. All those shenanigans right that they're losing, that they're talking about that, all that that belongs to them. Push that plate to their side of the table, right, say no, I'm full, I ate my plate. Thank you All.

Speaker 1: 17:53

Right, vasitos, as we wrap today's episode, I want you to remember this thing Remember, remember your journey is yours and it's so worth celebrating. Whether others see it or not, I don't care. It is worth celebrating. You keep growing, you keep striving, you keep growing, you keep striving, and don't let the lack of recognition from a few overshadow your achievements. Do that happy dance. Do that happy dance, fucking. Bring in your cat, your dog, the hubs, the wife, whoever, the booski, who cares. Dance, celebrate and glow in that.

Speaker 1: 18:40

And next week we will be tackling another tricky emotion, of course. Of course, Envy. We're going to talk about how do we deal with it when it creeps in and, more importantly, how can we turn it into a force for good. It can be done. Stay tuned for that and, vasitos, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review and share this podcast with someone who you know needs to hear this. Until next time, besos, keep your cups full and your spirits high. See you next time. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating, if you can, on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.