Coping with Grief: Losing Lento and John

How do you navigate the heart-wrenching journey of losing a pet who was more like a family member? In this deeply personal episode of "Have a Cup of Johanny," I open up about the profound grief of losing my beloved Lento and John. I share the unique bond I had with my comforting cat and loyal dog and reflect on the emotional challenges of 2024, a year shadowed by their loss. Through heartfelt anecdotes and honest reflections, I reveal how sharing their stories and honoring their memories has helped me cope with the overwhelming feelings of loss.

In the second chapter, I recount the rescue and adoption journey of John, a spirited dog I saved from mistreatment in Korea. His story—from a precarious situation to becoming an essential part of my family—is a testament to the emotional rollercoaster of pet rescue. I also share how immortalizing John in my book, "Mrs. Franchi's Evil Ring," has brought me peace and a way to celebrate his life. Join me as we explore the powerful bonds we share with our furry babies and discover how sharing their legacies can bring comfort and healing in the face of loss.

Chapters

• 0:00 Season of Growth
• 12:43 Finding Peace Through Pet Stories

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a cup of johanni podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to have a Cup of Johannie podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Today's episode is going to be a little bit more somber than some of my previous one, because this one is deeply personal. I may get a little teary-eyed, my voice may crack, and that's because it's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately, especially since I had to say goodbye to my cat, lentil, two days ago. So I started thinking about honoring the pets that I've lost and what that has taught me about grief. So saying that if this is too heavy of a subject for you, just don't feel shy, don't worry about it, pause it. You can come back to the next one, or you can go listen to some of my previous one, but for those that are staying here, are you ready? I knew you would be All right, let's go. So for me, losing a pet it's a unique kind of grief that's the best way that I can describe it and that's because, for me, I don't look at them as pets, but I look at them as family members. For example, lento has been with me for 10 plus years, which is way longer than some of the human beings that are part of my friend group and even family. So for me, losing them it's almost as if I'm losing a part of myself as well, and the loss, the grief, is very heavy. I mean, I looked at my fur babies as these angels here on earth that just make life so much easier for me, because they provide the comfort and the love with no judgment, and that, for me, has been life-saving.

Speaker 1: 2:39

It's been a journey, and the year 2024 has been particularly tough. I can't wait for 2025 to get here, because it's like I also lost my dog, john, not too long ago, and I've had him longer than Lento. He was literally my shadow. So it's been challenging trying to understand how to carry on their memories while also finding how to cope with that. So I think, because grief feels heavy like just this massive cement block on my chest, that it makes me feel almost as if I'm drowning and the way to undrown is to desagarme, like just talk about it. Talk about them, write about them, record a podcast episode about them. Yesterday I posted on my broadcast channel Lento's rescue story because I want others to see what an awesome moment that was and it helps me to cope with the loss, because I feel as if I'm partaking his memory, partaking his legacy and sharing that with others. I think like that's the best way that I can explain that bit and, in a way, me desahogo, like I'm undrowning out of my feelings by talking about this, being that I lost. That was such a massive hit to my soul and I'll share it with you all here because I think it's such a wonderful story.

Speaker 1: 4:30

They said there's a cat distribution system out there and I'm telling you, on that day 10 years ago, it was working. It was working. So Lento is a Belgium cat. I say that he's Belgium, dominican. I found them when I was stationed in Belgium and I remember my coworkers saying that there was a kitten litter underneath the container, like a mom had given birth and she had a litter of kittens there underneath the container and she was coming back and forth from outside feeding them while they stayed underneath the container. One of them, his spouse, like, had cats, so they kind of knew how to deal with cats and all of that. I never had cats up to that point. I have had only dogs John, who was the other fur baby that I lost this year. I also had Minnie and Kalana, who had passed away already. All of those were dogs rescued from various duty stations that I've been in.

Speaker 1: 5:53

And the co-worker tells us hey, don't touch them, because then your scent may trigger the mom to reject them. So I was like, okay, cool, I really wanted to peek you know and cuddle with the kittens. But I was like, okay, well, I want you know their mom to take care of them. So let me not do that. Still, like we would check on them and then just make sure that everything was good.

Speaker 1: 6:24

And I remember one day, a few days after that I'm not sure, a day or week, I'm not sure the coworker comes in and he's like, look, the mom hasn't come back. And at first we think like she's just, you know, she went too far. She's probably still coming back with some food, whatnot. But then in the back of our minds we was like what if something happened or did somebody touch these kittens and then she ended up rejecting them. So we were assuming a lot of things at that time. But so we gave it some time because at the end of the day, right, who better to take care of those kittens than the mama cat? So we still kind of like, because, at the end of the day, right, who better to take care of those kittens than the mama cat? So we still kind of like, paid attention, just so that way they don't die from hunger or something like that, and we was ready to bring whatever cat food or whatnot. Sure enough, like we waited. We waited, I want to say like a day, day and a half, and then the mom didn't show up and these are brand brand new kittens. I want to say they had to be like a week or two weeks old, so they were brand brand new. And when we knew that the mama is not coming, we're gonna have to, like, grab these babies. Then, once again, my coworker was like my wife knows of a organization here, so let me get her to call to get the number and all of that, so that way when we do get the kittens then we can turn it over to this organization who would find them homes here in Belgium.

Speaker 1: 8:09

The next day we came in one of us had like a net and he climbed on top of the container and then I was part of the crew that was on the ground just waiting for whatever kitten was really fast and would run past the netting. I think somebody had to make a loud noise or something, or they used like a tree branch to go underneath the container and try to like scare the kittens to come out from underneath. And it was like one, two, three go and then all of a sudden you see all these black fur balls going in all different directions. I didn't catch not one, not one. You know why? Because there was this one little chunky one with like big brown eyes staring at me underneath the net, and I remember you are the slow one. I told him and I pulled the netting from over him and scooped him up and put him in my cargo pocket and for that entire day him and I worked together in the warehouse. He was my warehouse assistant. I remember at the end of the day, going to the gate, we had the rest of the warehouse. He was my warehouse assistant. I remember at the end of the day, going to the gate, we had the rest of the kittens. It would have been eight kittens and the lady is counting them on the twa-ka-tsang-si set. And then she's like, well, where's the eighth one? And I point on my cargo pocket and I'm like he's right here.

Speaker 1: 9:55

His name is Lento and of course I got a barrage of comments from everyone. I told you not to name him. You know you're going to get attached and all of that, and you're about to leave. What are you going to do? Because I was about to leave on another assignment a month from then and I was like I'll figure it out, I'll figure it out. The lady, the rescue lady. She ended up smiling, she nodded and she just, and she left with the other kitties and Lento stayed with me and we've been together ever since, until two days ago.

Speaker 1: 10:39

Him and John were buds from the beginning, because at that time I only had John with me and Lento was such a scraggly little kitten that John a corgi makes will try to punk him out in the house. When I brought him to the house and all of that, and I remember he was so tiny, I put him in a box. I put Lento in a box, with puppy pads in the box, and then I just put him next to me, by my head on the bed and that's where he slept for a good portion of his kittenhood because he was so tiny and I didn't want John to be rough with him, because John, whenever he would see this little black fur ball move around, he wanted to chase him and nip at him and all of that. So I had to, without really knowing, kind of like the whole dog and cat interaction, I had to get them to like one another, slowly getting in the middle and playing with both of them, and it was like this weird dynamic, but eventually they ended up accepting one another and I think that happened when Lento finally showed dominance to John, because I remember John used to punk him out when he was a little kitten, but Lento a male cat. He eventually put on weight and he became bigger than John, who was a little shorty, and sure enough he was like two years old and he pounced on John and John cried and left and from that day forward they both respected one another. Those were my two old guys and that's what I called them when they both became elderly, with gray hairs on their face, my two old guys that learned to respect one another.

Speaker 1: 12:43

And with John I rescued him on the assignment before that one in Korea, that one in Korea, when this man was kicking him out of a cab. I think John was trying to follow the man, either for a treat or for, I don't know, or maybe get him not to come inside the cab. And John has always been feisty and he kept nipping, nipping and like almost holding on to the bottom of the man's trousers. And I see that. So we're parked, I'm there with my boss and we parked, so that way we can go get McDonald's. And I get out and run towards that because it's a lot of like not screaming, but you can tell that something is happening. So I run towards it and I see this scene and I automatically just get so bothered by it. I don't know why, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 13:54

I must have been having one of those days, but I was so bothered at the man trying to hit this poor little short dog. And I go up to them. You know, I'm yelling in English. I'm like stop it, what are you doing? I'm yelling in English. I'm like stop it, what are you doing? You know, and he yells at me in Korean. We both don't understand one another, but I can see that he's trying to get in the cab.

Speaker 1: 14:20

So I grab the dog from the back and he almost tried to nip at me. But then, like I go, like it's okay, it's okay, I'm trying to help you. And then he kind of like let's go of that. And then that element of surprise kind of also helped me so the dog wouldn't continue to bite at the hem of the trousers. And sure enough, the man leaves right away and I pick up the dog but he struggles.

Speaker 1: 14:49

So I think I put him down on the ground and then I show him like French fries, and he starts coming my way and I'm like, okay, come on, do you want some French fries? You want some more? And I throw it in the car that I rode in with my boss and he jumps in there and then I check him to make sure he's okay, because I'm thinking like potentially this guy could have hurted him and then I may need to take him to the vet so he can get checked out. And he stays there in the car with me and once again I take this being into the warehouse with me and at the end of the day I take them to the vet so that way they can check for CHIP, for ownership, for registration, for whatnot. And the vet doesn't find any. So I tell the vet to give all the vaccinations and immunizations that he needs.

Speaker 1: 15:50

And then I go and ask my landlord if she can give me a poster with the picture of the dog, so that way, asking whose dog this is, and then putting in their phone number so that way they can call her phone number, because I know I speak Korean and I get the poster done. I posted it all over the place. I asked the landlord hey, because she's very social, ask around and see if somebody knows whose dog this is. And with that one I don't name them. I allow two weeks to go by because I'm like you know, let's wait, let's give it time. You know, maybe somebody just hasn't seen the poster or whatnot. And on the second week I remember that it's like the holidays are coming. So I'm like, okay, I'm going to be going out doing, you know, holiday things. And I'm like, let me get a resolution for this, because if not, then I'm going to keep the dog. And sure enough, I go to my landlord and I'm like did you get any answers? Did you find anything? Did anyone call you back? And she was like, no, that's your dog now. And I'm like, okay, okay.

Speaker 1: 17:14

And the entire time I have told my son hey, you know, don't get too comfortable with the dog. You know, I'm trying to warn him so that way he doesn't get his heart broken. I'm like this dog may be somebody else's dog, you know, and all that other stuff. And I wait another day and I wake up the next morning and it's a weekend and I go up to my son's room and I'm like, because the dog is there, dog is there. The dog has gotten attached as well to my son. And I go to his room. I was like, remember how I told you this dog cannot be ours? And he was like, yeah. And then I was like, well, nobody cleaned him. So what do you think about this dog being our dog now? And he smiled from ear to ear. That was like sweet, sweet music to my son. And then I told him I was like well, name him, what would you like to name him? And he named him John. And John has been with us ever since. He was my son's shadow at first very protective of him, and as my son grew older he became my shadow, so he was our dog, telling these stories about how we found one another.

Speaker 1: 18:46

It helps me to keep their memories alive and it helps me kind of like in a way to grieve, but to grieve in a way that celebrates their lives and that helps the pain to ease. And another thing that I do is I immortalize them in my stories. I started it with John because I knew, as he was getting older, I was like, let me immortalize him. So that way John is not only part of my life but he's part of a lot of other people's lives. And I put him in Mrs Franchi's evil ring because I figure Isla, during those tough moments she needed a dog, just like my son needed a dog. He needed that companionship. So I gave Isla that companionship in the book and that companionship was that quirky dog named John and his personality shines in that story and it brings me comfort to know that a piece of him lives on in that book and Lentil will be next. I want to find the right story for him and I know it will come, just like it came with Mrs Franchisee O'Ring. It's something that clicks and I kind of understand okay, this character is best here. And for Lentil, my super chill guy, he will need a character that he needs to calm, just like how he did to me, how he helped me calm along the way. And eventually I'll write all of my fur babies into stories in a way that gives them a permanent place in the world, even though they're no longer physically with me. They'll live on in the pages of these books.

Speaker 1: 20:44

Doing these things, talking about them, writing about them and even just like sitting in front of their photos and talking to them has helped me to cope with the loss and I've realized that when it comes to grief, it isn't something that ever fully goes away. It's more like that cement block that is on my chest just feels a little less heavy over time. I mean, I still sigh when I see something that reminds me of any of my pets that I've lost Many Kalana, dahlia and John and Lento. Now, but with those that I've lost before it's not as overwhelming as it once was and by honoring them I feel like I'm finding ways to keep them close, kind of like find peace in the midst of grief, because grief can feel so chaotic sometimes, if you're going through loss, whether it's a pet or a person, I encourage you to find your own way to honor them. It could be through writing, through creating something or simply speaking their name or anything else that works for you, but I thank you.

Speaker 1: 22:15

I thank you so much for turning in today and sharing this moment with me. Take care of yourselves and I will see you next week. Bye, and I will see you next week. Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I wanna hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time, bye.