Forgiveness's Liberation: A Journey Through Self-Care and Compassion

Can forgiving yourself truly set you free? In this episode of "Have a Cup of Johanny," I, Johanny Ortega, invite you to explore the transformative power of forgiveness through the emotional journey of Bianca, the star of "Under the Flamboyant Tree." As we conclude our September series, I share personal insights and reflections on the complexities of self-forgiveness and the profound liberation that comes with it. Through Bianca's return to the Dominican Republic, she encounters individuals who help her understand the principles of self-care, self-love, and self-respect, shedding light on the importance of empathy and context in our lives.

Discover how the act of forgiving others is not about condoning harmful actions but about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment. Join me as I recount my own struggles and breakthroughs in learning to forgive past mistakes, both my own and those of others. Through this heartfelt conversation, I hope to convey the message that forgiveness is a continuous journey requiring immense patience and self-compassion. Tune in to grasp the nuances of this powerful theme and understand how letting go can pave the way to a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Johani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Welcome back to have a Cup of Johnny podcast.

Speaker 1: 0:30

I am your host, joanne Ortega, and today we are wrapping up this September series where we talk about everything that has to do with under the flamboyant tree, with a powerful theme that's central to this story and that is forgiveness. This episode is going to be all about the transformative power of letting go and finding peace. Are you ready? Of course you are. Let's go, let's go, all right.

Speaker 1: 1:16

So throughout bianca's journey and under the flamboyant tree, forgiveness plays a pivotal role, because she has to this main character, she has to learn to forgive herself. Like I said I think it was in the first episode when I was introducing this theme is that Bianca is lost. She made a lot of mistakes and it was a character that I had to look through the lens of empathy and and seeing putting myself in their shoes and understanding that, with the resources that that character had and the knowledge that that character has, I will most likely make the same choices. And because of that understanding that Bianca, through the story and that's why this is a central theme of it is that she needs to learn how to forgive herself for the mistakes that she made in the past, as well as forgive her family, because as she uncovers her own mistakes through the flamboyant tree in her front yard, she is able to look into the past and find out the family secrets as well. So she has a big task ahead of her, because forgiveness is not about forgetting.

Speaker 1: 2:50

I think that's like the superficial way of forgiveness, because oftentimes people say, oh, I'll just forget about it, I don't know, you know blah, blah. But I think when we think that forgiveness is forgetting, what we do is we pretend as if we have forgotten, because in a sense, I don't think we really do. Now, on the other hand, when we forgive, that's when we unburden ourselves from that pain and resentment. And in writing this novel, it taught me that forgiveness is a journey, people. It is a journey. It is not a destination. It is a journey, because it's a process that requires time, a lot of patience, a lot of patience Let me say that again A lot of patience, and Let me say that again, a lot of patience and self-compassion, and like I'm giving myself a hug right now because that's what I equate with self-compassion, but a lot of self-compassion as well, just like patience.

Speaker 1: 4:03

The story how Bianca goes through these hurdles of learning, accepting first that she must forgive herself and then figuring out how to do it. And it's so weird when you didn't grow up understanding self-care, understanding self-love and self-respect. And you will see that in Bianca as she figures out how to do all of this. And thankfully, she comes across these amazing people in her life when she goes back to the Dominican Republic. That will help her to understand how she can do that.

Speaker 1: 4:50

But, like Bianca, I had to learn to forgive myself for the times that I felt short, for the times where I did something that I could have done better, knowing how to do it better, and also forgive others for their wrongdoing. And I'm telling you those two right there. That is the most liberating thing that anyone can do in their lives, because I swear like in my 20s and in my 30s I was this ball of anger and resentment, and I was so reactive ball of anger and resentment and I was so reactive, so reactive, and whenever I think back about that, I envision myself like this little ball that has like a lot of electricity around it that if anyone will touch it it will just they'll get electrocuted, they'll get a shock, because that's how it felt at that time like very reactive, and I had to learn to let go and forgive. But I do have to say, though, that forgiveness doesn't mean that you're excusing harmful behavior. I think I read a meme somewhere on threads that was like I can forgive you and I can also stay away from you. So it's like, especially if you know that a person will not change their ways, you can forgive them, but you can also maintain boundaries and not be part of their lives. You see what I'm saying. So it's like it doesn't mean that we're excusing harmful behavior, and you will see that as well in Bianca, because I had to make sure that I make that clear to the readers.

Speaker 1: 6:38

As an author, I feel that I have a responsibility to not give out harmful advice or harmful like show, harmful things to the reader, because I'm a believer that we learn through books, whether they're fiction or nonfiction. So I just want to make sure that I don't leave the reader with the wrong message. So that's something that I show in here that we can forgive and we can also maintain our boundaries right, because at the end of the day, it's about choosing peace over anger, and compassion over bitterness or resentment. And when you read Bianca's story, you're going to see that it shows how healing begins when we let go of grudges and embrace the whole forgiveness piece. That's when healing truly begins.

Speaker 1: 7:41

And you're going to see how Bianca kind of like, fights against that quite a lot, beats herself up quite a lot, bullies herself quite a lot before she even begins to forgive herself and heal. And that is very personal to me. That is also something that I had to learn to let go of, because when I looked inward I noticed that I was like my biggest bully at times and I'm like why are you like being so mean to yourself, joani? And I didn't realize that I was thinking erroneously, so that nature and I was making myself angry and sad and really was not getting any progress in self-development and self-growth, because, let's face it, putting someone down really doesn't do the trick right. So I had to learn that, just like Bianca, and that's why I added in there, because I think that's an important lesson, especially for some of us that think that that drill sergeant mindset putting people down, destroying people it's like a way to build them up.

Speaker 1: 9:17

Through this book, I want to say that no, no, that's not true, that you can build people up through kindness, through compassion, through empathy, and that they will grow just as strong, because then it will grow from a place of love as opposed to from a place of hate or from a place of destructive criticism. Hate or from a place of destructive criticism, because, once again, it's a way that you can improve on a performance by giving somebody constructive criticism as opposed to destructive criticism. It's a difference, and we can talk about that in another episode. But I want to hear from you. I want to hear from you. I want to hear from you Because I don't.

Speaker 1: 10:03

I'm not the only one that struggles with forgiveness, and to this day I still do. I still want to hold on to grudges, I still want to be petty, but it is a back and forth conversation that I have with myself, where I remind myself how that doesn't work for me, you know, and it's these introspective conversations through journaling or through meditation that I have that have, like, helped me solidify the whole forgive as opposed to be vengeful, petty and resentful. But I want to know from you what has helped you to find your peace. Bianca, we'll see if she finds it Right, but I want to hear from you, I want to hear your stories, your thoughts on not just how you found your peace through forgiveness, but what do you think about this theme, you know, have you seen it in books before? If so, what did you like about it? What didn't you like about it? But let's support each other in our journeys for forgiveness or to forgiveness, I should say and join me on social media and let's keep this conversation going.

Speaker 1: 11:20

Peeps, thank you for being part of this month's exploration of Under the Flamboyant Tree, and I hope that these episodes have inspired you to reflect on your own journey, embrace your roots, your culture, your heritage, and find the strength to forgive yourself and others. And stay tuned for more episodes. What am I gonna talk about in October? I don't know. I don't know. But until then, keep holding space for empathy and healing and the beauty of your own story. Take care bye. Oh, we could. We could fly of your own story. Take care Bye. Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.