Mindfulness Strategies for Life's Transitions

Ever wondered how a small shift in perspective can revolutionize your approach to life's challenges? This episode promises to unlock the secrets of adaptation and resilience through personal stories and expert advice. Discover how changing a single word in your mindset from "I need to" to "I get to" can transform daunting changes into exciting opportunities. I share my own journey, underscored by wisdom from my coach, emphasizing the importance of genuine commitment and emotional engagement. You'll also learn why letting go of perfectionism can be liberating, allowing you to focus on progress and flexible thinking rather than unattainable ideals.

But that's not all. We delve into six actionable tips from Centerstone on mastering change, ranging from early recognition and acceptance to mindfulness and meditation practices. Hear how these strategies played a crucial role in my military career and subsequent transitions, offering concrete examples you can relate to and apply. Since the episode airs on Juneteenth this created an opportunity to understand on a deeper level how adaptation strategies can mold not only individuals but communities. Read the article I share on the podcast. 

We wrap up the episode by inviting you to join our growing community, encouraging you to share feedback and spread the word. Your engagement helps us all thrive through life's unpredictable journey. Thank you for being a part of this incredible voyage—let's continue to grow together!

Enter a world of fear, resilience, and generational trauma in "The Devil That Haunts Me". Follow Isabella and Julitza as they confront their demons in a tale of suspense, mystery, and the supernatural.

Explore the first seven chapters here

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Oh we could, we could fly. Welcome to this new season of the have a Cup of Johani podcast. So I want to title this new season that I'm embarking on with I'm growing, so this is going to be the season of growth and that's what I'm going to share with you throughout the season. So I thank you for coming over here and sitting with me and I hope you enjoy. Hello everyone, welcome to the third Wednesday of June and we are continuing our journey through resilience. Like I said before, this is something that I can talk about for days, one of my favorite subjects to talk about. This is something that I can talk about for days, one of my favorite subjects to talk about. And today we are discussing adaptation strategies. So we discuss resilience, the overview on the first episode facing fear and overcoming it being okay, with fear being there, because it will never go away. And now we're going into the third step, which is okay. We have faced our fears and now how can we adapt to this new way of being, this new strategy, this new thing, new environment, and we're going to look into the tools and mindset that can help us manage uncertainty and navigate changes effectively. Are you ready when the wind blows in a different direction. It's like we just have to shift that sail right. Think of boating. You got to shift it like I'm doing this motion Shift it. Are you ready? Yes, yes, you are, because or else why would you be here? You know why? Because if you're not growing and learning, you're not learning. Of course, all right, let's go.

Speaker 1: 2:06

So the need for adaptation, folks, the need for adaptation, it's not just survival, it's not just that. It's about really embracing the new thing, the new environment, and thriving in it. But why is adaptation so crucial and what does it really involve? I think adaptation, it goes beyond compliance, into commitment, because you can say you can agree, but you can agree without your heart being in it. And I think adaptation goes beyond just agreeing about this new thing that happened. It's just really about embracing this new thing that happened. It's just really about embracing this new thing that happened. In my humble opinion, that's what adaptation is and why it's crucial when it comes to resiliency in the face of change. And I can tell you from experience I am constantly evolving, constantly changing, and I think we all are to a certain extent. I think I need to shift a little bit more from optimizing. So that way I don't make myself so frustrated because I have perfectionism in me, which really is just a trauma response. But after reading a book Habits of the Brain I'm going to start shifting into being okay with what is being satisfied, as opposed to always being in the lookout for, like getting to a hundred percent. Think about that Sometimes. Right, it's okay to be at 80 or 90. You don't have to be all the way at a hundred percent. Think about that.

Speaker 1: 3:41

As we talk when it comes to adaptability and my coach last week during our chat, we're talking about change, because that's one of the reasons why I talked to her, because there are things that I need to change. See, I said that word need. There are things that I get to change because I want to, and that is something that she taught me and it's something so small but it's so big at the same time because it pays dividends, because she just taught me how to refrain my mind by changing my words, because your brain really catches on to what you say and what you feel when you say certain things and it makes a whole story about that because really, the brain is just trying to save you from danger. So if it feels that you're hesitant about something which, more often than not, when we're talking about change, there is that hesitancy. There is that slight alertness, that hiccup in our heartbeat that we have that resembles fear when we think about it or discuss it and our mind makes a whole story about that and, if we allow it to our mind, will make the whole story. That change is not good for us because of the reactions that we're having and what we say about it.

Speaker 1: 5:10

So my coach told me that because I was like I need to do this, I told her when I was talking about changing, letting go of control which is a big change for me, right, to let go of control. And she was like you hear what you just said. And I was like I was right, like I didn't get it. I was like, no, what? Like you said I need to? And I kind of like just stood quiet and I just looked at her and she was like, how about you try saying I get to? She was like how about you try saying I get to? She was like because if you tell yourself I get to do this, she was like just feel the difference in yourself. For me, my feelings are like, they reside in my gut. Okay, they reside in my gut. Fear resides in my gut. So, and it was there, right, it was there, she was completely right. She's an expert in her gut. Fear resides in my gut. And it was there. Right, it was there, she was completely right. She's an expert in her field. She was completely right.

Speaker 1: 6:12

When I said I need to do this, it was a certain tightness in the stomach that occurred, as opposed to when I say I get to do this, it's a certain lightness, not so much a tightness, excitement I feel higher in my shoulders, kind of like this anticipative excitement of something that I get to do. So you see how kind of like when it comes to adapting to change, when it comes to adapting to change, that importance of flexibility in our speech and our processes and our behaviors are very important. So think about that. Okay, to adapt is one thing. We know that changes are needed in our lives when we see negative results or when we see that we're a little stagnant or something like that.

Speaker 1: 7:13

I think coming up with a why we need to change and why we need to adapt is the easier thing here, because usually it's there Once you come to the conclusion that you need to change. That means that you have accepted. So you know your why, but the how is a completely different story. That's where I think sometimes we get overwhelmed with it and we hesitate and we may take a long tactical pause with it and just because, while we know why we do need to change and therefore adapt, we don't know how to do it. So let's explore some practical tools here and techniques that may help us to pivot successfully during times of change. And I'm going to give you some of these strategies based on what worked for me, because I really I can't really talk about other people and their changes because I'm not I'm not them and I'm not in their head to understand what worked for them and really share a bit of my life and my moments with y'all, so that way y'all can see if this is something that you can tailor to your life and your situation and make that change and adapt to it.

Speaker 1: 10:49

So for me, like I said in my example, shifting into a growth mindset really helped out, and I think sometimes because I know for me, I had this misconception that a growth mindset is like I am abundant. I am abundant, I am right, like these, these abundancy words about affirmation, which it a growth mindset. Really, it's one where you have shifted the way that you think to allow yourself to change. That is a growth mindset. And, like I said, just that shift in how I think and talk, from saying I need to do this to I get to know this, that is an example of a growth mindset. Because now I am inculcating in my brain this one change in one word to allow me to see, to ease, to really accept the change and adapt to it. Because just that shift in word from I need to I get allows me to lean into the change, to embrace it and to adapt and maintain Okay it. And to adapt and maintain Okay. Another thing you've heard me talk about this with my bullet journals. Okay, I am bullet journal fan.

Speaker 1: 12:33

It really is planning and goal setting. That for me, that is key. I have a whole habit tracker. Folks Didn't come out of nowhere and these are habits that I knew would help me grow, I knew would pay dividends in my life. I knew that these will open up my life where I can be more mindful of things, I can be healthier in a holistic way, I can think a little bit better, easier, and that's how I plan them out. And I plan them out to be done in the morning because I'm a morning person. I assess my life. I knew that I tackle important things in the morning because that's when I have the most energy, that's when I have the most focus. And I also do goal set. I read the 12-week year While I'm not as inculcated in that process as I am in the bullet journal, I do still goal set quite often. Just, I haven't really tailored the 12-week year to me and I think that's more to do with just falling off the wagon and not coming back to the wagon than anything else, not because it doesn't work, but just because of that, because I haven't figured out a way to adapt it to my life in a successful way. But really I still goal set, just don't goal set in 12 week increments, more like in project increments, like I have a goal setting for the project and then I check things off as I do them. And really that whole planning, goal setting and habit tracker has allowed me to adapt to change in my life and it's that by doing small changes, small little steps forward towards a goal, that's it. Not these big, gigantic ones, just small ones, because I knew that those were attainable. I knew that I could be successful in those and I knew that from that success that will bring me joy and will give me confidence, and then I can embark then on bigger things. So those were the strategies that I use to adapt, to change and to embrace it really.

Speaker 1: 15:12

And let me read to you oh, I have here centerstoneorg, that's it and this is. Let me tell you who they are. This is a nonprofit health system specializing in mental health and substance use disorder treatments for people of all ages, and they have services in Florida, illinois, indiana, north Carolina and Tennessee. And right here, when I looked them up, I saw that they have six tips to adjust, to change, how to adapt and overcome, and I was like, oh, this is perfect, because this is what I'm talking about. And their number one is recognize that change is happening. That's what they say here. Just recognize it. Know that change is happening.

Speaker 1: 15:58

It says that denying or delaying your reaction, however, can often be more stressful than accepting the change early on. And this is something that I hadn't touched on, because, for me, when I embark on a change, I have accepted it already. If not, I wouldn't have embarked on it, but I can see why the center stone that org will have this year, because oftentimes change is almost imposed on us. And I see that quite often when it comes to my military side of things. Oftentimes change is imposed on me from that cup that I feel on me, from that cup that I feel where change is imposed as to where I'm going to work, you know when I'm going to move to that job and things, if I'm going to go to a training here or there and whatnot, right. So when it comes to change being imposed on you, I can see why recognizing that change is happening, as opposed to denying it or delaying it, will be beneficial. I have also seen this in soldiers, that when they know that they need to retire, but sometimes they delay actions than anything else when it comes to this, and it's just these small delay tactics that they do and I empathize quite a lot because I see that that is fear, fear to accept, because they haven't even accepted that the change is happening, because they're still in denial, and they do these small denying actions of it. And I can see how that is more stressful than just accepting change early on. So that way you can go through the steps of really overcoming and then eventually finding yourself on the other side of that change, meaning having changed already.

Speaker 1: 17:54

Another tip that Centerstoneorg has is to write down the positive. I do this. Part of my habits, like I discussed right, I have a habit tracker is that I write three things I'm grateful for. First thing in the morning. I do my habits first thing in the morning because that's when I'm more focused, that's when I have most of my energy. I'm recording these episodes in the morning because that's when I have most of my energy. But writing down the positive, it's so subtle, the change that it gives you so subtle. But if you really look at it and you start assessing the results of just having a grateful journal and writing down the things that you're you are grateful for and you think positive about, you will see this change occurring. Because then, once you do that and your mind becomes accustomed to finding the good in things, then it becomes second nature to do that in the face of change and the face of fear of change and in the face of any adversity that you will find on the road to changing. If you're used to writing down being grateful for things, you will find the positive and that will be what going, because, like I said, on the road to change there's going to be potholes, there's going to be hills, there's going to be climbs, there's going to be all sorts of stuff that will make you want to stop, go back or, at the very least, have a tactical pause in there. But if you are apt at looking at the positive in things, then you'll be able to keep going.

Speaker 1: 19:37

Number three, on centerstoneorg. Their number three tip is, when possible, prepare. I share with you all how I sat down with myself and I made the step to embark on the MFA program so that way I can feel prepared to embark on this new era of my life once I retire, which is my author era, my era of doing the thing that I've always wanted to do right, of making money with my passion, and that's how I prepared. So and it goes back to number one right, accept the change. Once you accept the change and you're able to see the positive in things, and then you're also able to assess anything that may happen, like how I do right when I plan and prepare, then I'm able to understand my limits and I'm able to come up with any mitigating strategies to failure. But I can only do that if I have accepted the change that is happening. Assess it from that acceptance and now I'm able to prepare.

Speaker 1: 20:52

Number four is to quiet your mind, and it goes back to mindfulness, which I talked about in the last episode. When it comes to really facing your fear and that is that you got to be able to do that because that's that fear, that voice right there that can be our worst enemy. Remember our worst enemy. Remember that voice in there is trying to help you feel safe, based off of your reaction to things. So really, if you tailor your reaction to change, then the fear won't be as loud, because then now that little voice will know that you are okay. But if you're fearful of change, that voice is going to get louder because it really is going to think that change is like this hill that you're about to fall from, when it really is not. It's just your mind making it that way. You can quiet your mind by accepting the change, or you can quiet your mind through mindfulness and meditation.

Speaker 1: 22:00

If you're a person like me that is constantly buzzing with things, you will find that mindfulness and meditation to be challenging, not impossible. I've been doing it, not as consistently as I want to, but I can honestly say that I have reached like two seconds of quiet in my mind. And you may be like Joannie, that ain't shit right, but for me that is a lot. For me, those two seconds of complete quiet in my mind were like life altering, because that has never been there. My mind has always been going and going, and going. So achieving two seconds is like utopia kind of for me and that's what keeps me going. So that small win right there, it's like what keeps me trying to achieve those two seconds and go beyond that again. Okay, so remember, you can quiet your mind by either accepting the fear, finding the good in it, or by going into a mindfulness session, or both right. Both is always a better option because you do have to accept the change eventually, or else it won't stick. You won't be able to adapt to it.

Speaker 1: 23:14

The fifth thing that Certain Stone Org has as a tip or strategy to adapting to change is to be kind to yourself. To adapting to change is to be kind to yourself. I was talking to my son about this because he hasn't embraced change yet and I'm helping him to see that change is needed when it comes to his hours in gaming, and I told him I was like, look, whatever you come up with, just remember to be kind to yourself. You don't want to be your own drill sergeant. I told them there are plenty of people that are going to be rude and mean to you. You don't need to do that to yourself and I have found that out now.

Speaker 1: 23:57

In my 40s, I used to berate myself and be really mean to myself when I didn't achieve certain things or I didn't stick to certain changes and adapt to them in the timeline that I would have wanted, and I used to belittle myself and that didn't help with my self-confidence. That didn't help with sticking to change or adapting to it. Because why? Because that fear was validated. When I did that, it was like, see, johnny, I told you this wasn't good for you. Look at you failing now. Look at you feeling bad for yourself now. So the more that I berated myself and belittled myself when I thought I had quote unquote fail, because I didn't see failure as a growth thing, as a you know, within a growth mindset, which is to see failure as an experiment, something to learn from. Because I hadn't done that yet and I wasn't kind to myself Then I was just validating fear and I was going backwards as opposed to moving forward and I was going backwards as opposed to moving forward.

Speaker 1: 25:07

And here on centerstoneorg it says we all struggle at times. No one can operate at 100%, 100% of the time. Forgive yourself for these times. Incorporate laughter when you can too. Laughter can be the best medicine. And I read that on Habits of Happy Brain that in order to get those I think it's dopamine. She says those hormones, going watch a comedy. Watch a comedy that you can just laugh mindlessly to it and you will see that dopamine I think that's what it is levels rise and which then will lessen your fear and will lessen the judgmental voice that you have. So try that out. When you're feeling like really bad for yourself and you wanna belittle or berate yourself, go watch a comedy.

Speaker 1: 25:59

Six this is their last tip is to talk it out. Talk it out If you find yourself struggling, they say, with changes you're facing, seek help. Knowing yourself well enough to realize you need assistance is a sign of strength. No one goes through life alone. Confiding in family or friends can give you the added support you're needing. So can seeking help through therapy as well. So and I'm all about talking it out I'm all about having that person in your life that can help you out with these emotions, that can be that external evaluator to see it from a different perspective and to help you see it from a different perspective. And to help you see it from a different perspective, because sometimes we're so stuck on how we see things that it takes somebody from the outside to help us see it in a different way. That is so important. And don't be afraid to seek help. There's various outlets out there where you can seek help, Even if you have financial constraints in there. There are so many outlets but people.

Speaker 1: 27:13

Those were the six tips from centerstoneorg on adjusting and adapting to change. Each challenge we face it really is an opportunity to improve our skill, to practice and improve our skills. So, as we close this episode today, remember that the ability to pivot is not just about facing what's in front of you. It's about turning it into opportunity for growth. Turning it into opportunity for growth. Remember that. And next week we're going to discuss on how to build long-term resilience right. So now we went through this change right. We think we are Hulkamania. We're super strong, super resilient, okay, but how can we build it long-term? That's what we're gonna try to answer, or that's what I'm going to try to answer, with you all next Wednesday, and I will see you then. Bye, wait, don't go yet. Adaptation and change.

Speaker 1: 28:21

It's important to know that this episode falls on Juneteenth, a significant day in American history. Now I'm reading from the National Museum of African American History and Culture, and in here it says that on Freedom's Eve, or the eve of January 1, 1863, the first watch night services took place. On that night, enslaved and free African Americans gathered in churches and private homes all across the country awaiting the news that the Emancipation Proclamation had taken effect. At the stroke of midnight, prayers were answered as all enslaved people in Confederate states were declared legally free. Union soldiers, many of whom were Black, marched onto plantations and across cities in the South, reading small copies of the Emancipation Proclamation, spreading the news of freedom in Confederate states.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Only through the 13th Amendment did emancipation end slavery throughout the United States. But this is a big but. Not everyone in Confederate territories would immediately be free. Even through the Emancipation Proclamation was made effective in 1863, it could not be implemented in places still under Confederate control, places still under Confederate control. As a result, in the western Confederate states of Texas, enslaved people will not be free until much later. Freedom finally came on June 19, 1865, when some 2,000 Union troops arrived in Galveston Bay, texas. The Army announced that the more than 250,000 enslaved Black people in the state were free by executive decree.

Speaker 1: 30:11

This came to be known as Juneteenth by the newly freed people in Texas, and it is something that has been celebrated for over 150 years already. But it's a change that many white Americans did not know about until the Juneteenth became a federal holiday a few years ago. And in the spirit of Juneteenth, which is deeply connected to the themes of resilience and adaptation, it's a reflection on the ability of individuals and communities to face immense challenges and injustice and yet strive for new beginnings, for change. And this day reminds us of the power of adaptation, not just in overcoming but in thriving and redefining futures despite past adversities. It's also about how much it takes for change to be adapted in communities worldwide. Right, and you, you have seen that. You see this, especially if you're in the United States. While change does come, it comes so slowly it's almost like a trickle before it is adapted and, as we reflect on this day, let's honor the resilience and adaptability of those who fought for freedom and change. Their journey underscores the importance of adapting not only to survive but to pursue justice and equality, echoing the strategies that we discussed on today's episode.

Speaker 1: 31:57

Thank you so much for listening. I want to hear from you. Leave me a comment, do a rating if you can on the podcast, share it with somebody you love, but, most importantly, come back. See you next time. Bye.